Seeing the other guy's point of view

The Theory

A while ago when I was the Moderator of a very successful Board I made a habit of always explaining why a post or series of posts or even a thread had been deleted if I had done the deletions and tried to think how I would feel if that was done to me without explanation.

The Practice

I tried to get the site owner to change the site set up so that Moderators comments would be visible and thus accountable but as he was far more of a techy than a communicator he could not see the point of openness and transparency and rejected the idea apparently.  I say "apparently" ( because the suggestion was never implemented)  as his communication skills did not run to even a short reply to my suggestion.  This despite me putting in hundreds of hours each month Moderating his board.

The problem is that he is not in the minority and some of the other Boards think it is fine and dandy to emulate that style and my advice is "Don't".  It just makes the membership feel that they are just there to make up the numbers and irrelevant, which is pretty damn stupid if you want a successful Board in my opinion.

Just recently a thread was started called "Fascist Moderation" on one board and although it was obviously killed off as it breathed its first breaths, when you went to see what all the fuss was about there was nothing at all there.

Boards need to show how they deal with dissent in an open and transparent manner, it is the only reasonable way else we create what the nay-sayers suggest we have created already.

Ghenghis 2010

TLAs, love me or hate em?

More and more AWFs and AWMs are using TLAs and that makes life very confusing.
OK, we have all learned that eating an FEB until we are FTB is AOK but we find ourselves asking WTF do all these TLAs mean?

Someone tweeted that she was very much UTR today and I was a little worried as I quite fancied her and thought she might have been referring to an STI or STD so I started looking up local (To her) GUM clinics but then realised she mean't Under The Radar so stopped worrying.

We all do it and some TLAs and FLAs actually make their way into common parlance, at least according to the OED, and sometimes even longer ones make it like ROTFLMAO etc.

However, to the uninitiated they are often puzzling and even when you look at them contextually they often puzzle you.

So the next time you go to use a TLA or an FLA, think of the poor noobs who may be puzzled and spell it out for them.

TTFN, SWALK.

Ghenghis 2010

TLA = Three Letter Acronym
FLA = Four Letter Acronym
FEB = Full English Breakfast
FTB = Full to bursting OR fit to burst
AOK = All OK
WTF = What the fuck?
AWF = Average White Female

Ya gotta laff!

This one made me smile


There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here butt naked fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

 "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!!!


Ghenghis 2010

Motorway Discipline

What is it with these absolute fuckwits that cruise along serenely in the right hand lanes of a motorway when the Left hand lane(s) is/are clear?   

They just clog up the motorway with their fuckwittery and make life difficult for the rest of us whose licences are NOT drawn in crayon or passed by a friend!  

Even the poxy French know about motorway lane discipline and are very very good at moving over (In their case) to the right-most lane suitable for their speed if it is empty enough so why don't the British??

When I rule the world they will be taken out of their cars and crucified at the side of the motorway "pour encourager les autres!!" 

Honesty is the best policy

.....but insanity is the better defence.

His pride and joy

Please let me have a lick

Henry Fielding once said "Commend a fool for his wit, or a rogue for his honesty and he will receive you into his favor. "  That just about sums up the ethos and raison d'etre for a new board set up by a group of Yahoos (In the swiftian sense) where they apparently "Put the Punters First" and spend their sorry little existences licking each-other's arses like a pack of hyenas and complaining about how hard done by they have been by Life, the Universe and Everything.  Nothing is ever their fault.  They do not realise that they are almost universally disliked by everyone they meet, to know them is to loathe them.

The Leg End

They are led by a cyber bully who has an ego the size of a planet and who calls himself a "Legend" and disparages "newbies" who dare to challenge his view of life. It has been pointed out that a leg end is a polite word for an arsehole but he carries on regardless whining and crying to his mates that he, the arch bully, has been bullied.
In his "crew" are some very dubious individuals including one total jerk-off who sits around wanking all day and making up mindless taunts for WGs who he feels threatened by, because their intellects dwarf his.  Let's face it, I have a dog with more intellect than him and she licks her own arse, not someone else's.

Some chums and I were talking about this group of ne'er-do-wells the other day and we concluded  that the reason they make such a play about "telling it like it is" is because they would not normally recognise the truth if it came up and bit them and so they are all just trying to convince each other.

Brian looking interested

The reason that this came to mind at all, as I normally try and ignore idiots, is that a friend emailed me saying that the ex ??  Kerb Crawler was back into whining mode about having been banned from yet another site (He has a track record for this, he has even been banned from a site on which he himself was a Mod which shows what a dipstick he is!) hence the blog subject today and the cathartic purging herein.

Ghenghis 2010

Your first sweet kiss, thrilled me so

Its great being a bloke.

Let's face it, despite the Queen and Maggie Thatcher and all those misogynistic bleatings from blokes with penis' smaller than a Silk Cut, it is a Man's World and us blokes have all the great bits of it.

God is clearly also a bloke because He, created procreation and us blokes get the Conception (Even the practice runs are great fun) which is bloody brilliant and then we get to be there at the birth and see the little critturs emerging after 9 months, nine months in which the poor bloody woman has to go through all those changes (Including ever expanding boobs - another great thing for blokes) and feeling like they look like the Goodyear Blimp with bad hair and then culminating in the most undignified event ever with loads of shouting and screaming whilst the dishiest Doctor in the world is looking at a fanny the size of an infant's shoulders!!  The bloke then gets to smoke a cigar and get the congratulations whilst the lady gets stitched up (Familiar theme??) and then allowed to sleep between feeds if she can.

Wimmin also have the monthlies when they are not pregnant which turns your average dream Goddess of Amour into Hecate crossed with Medusa, snakes for hair and the temper of  a Chelsea Shed member on Steroids.  During that week each month a sensible bloke has another bolt-hole prepared where he will be fed, made welcome and loved - his Mum's place!  She is too old for the Monthlies and anyway loves her little boy too much.

Whereas God (remember Him and his favouritism?) He who gave the Wimmin their Monthlies, gave his favoured children Shaving each day as his gift at Puberty.

Shaving, especially wet shaving, with a brand new blade, is one of God's greatest gifts and times of pleasure each day. Taking a rough, sandpaper bristly face and with the application of some soap and water and a deftly turned razor turning it into a smooth silky "touch-me!" zone that is just awaiting some after-shave to make it simply irresistible!  The time too is just enough for the average bloke to not only reinforce his ideas that he is Adonis brought to life but also to have his "Premier Thought" of the day.  This Premier Thought is normally about shagging which is also God's gift to a bloke so he starts the day a happy and contented soul who radiates peace love and harmony to the Universe and whose only want is a well cooked FEB * by "her indoors".

This is where God needs to go back to the drawing board as for at least one week in four he will descend to a scene from Dante's Inferno and for the other three weeks he will be in the dog-house over imagined slights and wrongs during that week.

So, good plan about all the good bits for blokes God, especially the first sweet kiss of a new razor blade on an unshaven cheek, but marks deducted for bad planning on the Wimmin's front.

As my old teacher used to put it "5/10 Must do better!!"

Ghenghis 2010


*Full English breakfast

Et tu Brute??

Or, never place your trust in heroes

Now thanks mainly to dear old Bill Shakespeare and his “poetic licence”, whole generations of schoolkids have grown up learning that Julius Caesar was a really rather nice guy who was stabbed in the back, literally, by his best mate Brutus and who as he was dying used the phrase that epitomises personal betrayal to the same extent that “Benedict Arnold” does for the Merkins about traitors to Merka. The phrase being “Et tu Brutḗ” or as we understand it “?and you, as well, Brutus??”as dear old saintly Julius pops his clogs at the realisation that his best mate is a traitor (Well, apart from all those knives!).

We also get “beware the Ides of March” from the same source which strangely enough does not refer to a particularly nasty bunch of travellers from Fenland.

Caesar and Brutus

The reality is far different, for a start Julius was the Boss and particularly was Brutus’ Boss and to start with they got on really well. Even when Caesar and Pompey were having a dust up and Brutus supported Pompey (Daft move because of course they got relegated as usual) Caesar gave orders to his crew that they should leave Brutus untouched. After that they got all pally.

However, dear old Julius was a total control freak and he could not accept that the Rome he had effectively created or at least saved from total destruction was not actually his own personal playground and the people therein at his beck and call.

Therefore he got himself a coterie of sycophants who were under his sway, neutralised the senate and went for the top banana role of Emperor.  That way he could introduce “One Man – One Vote with him being the one man with a vote. The problem was he had more than a few Senators that preferred their version of Democracy.

So, just before the new Financial Year as Caesar was on his way to give the Senate an opinion, Brutus and a few selected chums ventilated his toga in the time honoured manner.

So Caesar died of stupidity really as he could have kept the majority of the Senate onside and voting his way, including his chum Brutus but instead thought he did not need friends and so pissed too many of them off and got his come-uppance, not a case of treachery but more a case of being terminally dumb!

There are many morals to this tale but one that will resonate a lot is that people who are in charge of big stuff should remember that they do need their mates and the little people and cannot get by on their own no matter how clever they are, they forget this at their peril.

Now, where is that dagger?

Ghenghis 2010-10-21

Problems with Blogger!!

Aaargh!

Having major problems with logging in to Blogger via Internet Explorer and so now doing this using Safari, and very nice it is too.

When I go to log in to the edit side of Blogger it goes crazy and tries to redirect me to another tab and constantly opens another tab then closes it, all the time moving just fast enough NOT to be closed down except via Task Manager!!

If anyone else is having problems like this, please let me know what I have done wrong!

Blame it on the Bizet

The Music made me do it



On £33,00 a year benefits she needs entertainment



During the Summer  (2010) we saw some violent incidents in the North of England which culminated in the death of the killer who had been on a spree. In one such case, that of Raoul Moat, the aftermath was even more bizarre than the killing spree as his death attracted complete knobheads to pledge their allegiance and support on Facebook as well as one welfare benefits unmarried Mother of eight children, Teresa Bystram to take two of her sons to his funeral “for a day out!”. Bystram, who said that Moat was “a good role model for her sons” was also quoted as saying “it was better than Legoland” – quite!

However one of the other bizarre things to come out of this tragedy was claims that the steroid driven lunatic could have been prompted into thinking his actions were completely justified by the lyrics of Jimi Hendrix singing “Hey Joe”.

In that 60’s ballad Hendrix warbles about “Joe”, who “went down to shoot my old lady, I caught her messin round with another man!”.

Well, apart from some of the dafter conspiracy theories surrounding the US Government actually blowing up the Twin Towers at 9/11 this has to be one of the biggest loads of old bollocks that I have ever read!

All through the ages there have been books and songs about men who take their partner’s infidelity (Real or imagined) so badly that they have taken the ultimate step, indeed Bizet’s Opera “Carmen” is about just that subject and it was first shown in 1875.



Carmen by the chinese



The boot was on the other foot in “Frankie and Johnny” where she shoots him for infidelity but in neither case has that been used as a defence in court! Honesty may be the best policy but insanity is the better defence!

There have been many others, including “Leroy Brown” and when it comes down to justifying indiscriminate murder then you could also cite “Mack the Knife” as  your justification although followers of Fuji Minx may just claim "The Music made me do it".

However, all of this is just bullshit and no sane person takes the life of another except in self defence or as the member of the Armed Forces or Security and Police Forces.

However, because it has never yet been offered as a defence, does not mean it might not strike a chord with the Jury so, next time you are in trouble for excessive jealousy, don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, blame it on the Bizet!

Ghenghis 2010-10-17

How to make life complicated

Or how not to complain

My new telephone directories were delivered this week. Director”ies” because we have more than one fixed line at our house because we’re posh! No I don’t live with my Mum!  But I digress. Anyhow, they arrived and they were all torn and battered which was pretty amazing as they were wrapped in the same stuff they make aircraft black boxes out of which makes them almost impossible to open without the code or a thermic lance, however I digress again!

“Ugh” I thought “Kill someone!”. Now, those of you who know me, including my somehow dwindling (For some curious reason) circle of friends will be aware that “Kill someone!” is a normal daily thought (Sometimes several times a daily but I digress) for me.  But how to identify the victim for said killing?

Light suddenly dawns, “Make a complaint to BT”.

Easier said than done.

Does anyone remember the famous passage in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams where the earth is due to be destroyed by a Vogon constructor fleet?  It goes like this:

People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.

There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now. … What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams

Well, clearly those magnificent boys and girls at BT have been energised and motivated by dear old Douglas into hiding their Customer Complaints Department!!  Go look, try and find it, it is not there!!

So, after getting out a thermic lance (Keep up!) and opening the plastisteel outer covering I spent the next hour with the cellotape and a 5 year old who was good at jigsaw puzzles and reconstructed the first 10 pages of the Directory.  Once that was done I was astonished to find no customer complaints dept!!!  Does that mean that BT does not have any Customers?  No it doesn’t.  Does it mean that they don’t have any complaints? Erm, anyone who believes that is also going to Farnborough this weekend where the fabled Porcine Aviators Formation Squadron, “The Red Devils on Horseback” are performing their famous display, but I digress yet again.

“I know” I thought, “I will try 0800 800 150 Customer Service”.

I did that and met the famed CTI (Computer Telephony Integration)service front end;

Thank you for calling BT, please choose from the following options:

Press 1 to place an order – this is the best option for you as we will answer this one very quickly because we like selling stuff

Press 2 to check on the progress of an order, hmm, we will take longer doing this as we like you ordering more

Press 3 if you want to report a fault on your Broadband Service, however those with no service at all on Broadband should go online to www.bt.com and check on service availability there

Press 4 if you want to report a fault on your home telephone line however if it isn’t working how can you be hearing this?

Press 5 if you are Mother Teresa and are reporting a fault on someone else’s service as you clearly have the patience of a Saint

Press 6 If you would like to hear a selection of Muzak on Hold, today’s selection is a particularly poor rendition of “You’ll never walk alone”

Press 8 If you are easily confused and want to know where Option 7 went

Press 7 to fill in our customer satisfaction survey

Press 9 to hear those options again in Braille

If you wish to repeat those options, press *

 If you want to be connected to Samaritans due to feeling suicidal after hearing all those options, press #

At this point, blood boiling and steam coming out of ears I realised there was no option to get hold of customer complaints!!

“Aha!” I thought “Dial BT Directory Enquiries and ask them!”

Dialled 118500 for BT directory enquiries and spoke to a lovely lass from Scotland called Tess Speaking and she offered to “put me through”, unfortunately that got me back to :

“Thank you for calling BT, please choose from the following options:”

So I pressed 4



Bangladelhii



“hello” said a distinctly South Asian voice, “This is ‘Anthony’, what number are you calling from?” “Anthony????????” I thought, but quickly explained my problem (The one about the directory, keep up!) “Ah yes sir” he warbled in an extremely triumphant tone “For Directories, you need to call Directory Enquiries on 118500!”.

After a few moments of shock I explained to him that this was wrong and that Directory Enquiries would charge me an arm and a leg to give me anyone’s number but not their own.  After some tooing and froing ??? I asked to speak to his supervisor. “Why? He will just tell you the same sir!” he said but upon my insistence he hung up on me!!

Undeterred I went back to the original number with the mighty brainwave to just keep schtum and NOT to press any buttons.  Despite all the elctronic entreaties to press all the numbers from 1 thru 9 and to star and hash until I was in electronic ecstacy, I resisted all blandishments and pressed nothing (Not even 0).

My patience was finally rewarded when the CTI said in a resigned tone “If you are having problems using this service press 9 to be put through to a customer service operator”.

I pressed 9

Two seconds later I was put through to ‘Jessica’ in Bangladelhi who was the most helpful human being in the world.  When I complained that they had “hidden” Customer Complaints, she laughed gaily and told me “We know how to find them Mr Khan, tell me the problem and I will write to them for you!”.



Jessica the sloe-eyed beauty



I told her and she promised me the world, I was in love with ‘Jessica’ the sloe eyed beauty from Bangladelhi who was the answer to an aged roue’s prayers.

It is now three weeks later and I am sitting here watching my phone with the attention a cat gives an uncaring sparrow, it will ring soon and I must pounce as the fabled BT Customer Complaints Department will have been de-cobwebbed, taken out of retirement and re-energised to put me, the Customer, first!!  I know this because my beloved ‘Jessica’ from Bangladelhi has sworn this to me.

Ghenghis 2010

Yanks & Banks!

or why do we ever listen to either?

Today around 6am a little indian (South asian, not "native american") chappie drove through the gloom in his beat up Astra and climbed through the foothils of Mount Khan to the yurt where he was perplexed as usual at the lack of letter box. Discretion being the better part of valour he decided not to open the flap of the yurt because of fear of attack from "Killer", the Battersea reject part Staffie, part Cerebus that guards it and instead dropped it on the "welcome" mat made from the pubic hair of captured foes.  "It" being our "Times" which shows you where I get some of my sillier ideas from!



Gottle a gear

 An hour later on opening the yurt flap for a morning slash, I narrowly avoiding urinating on the front page as well as Killer who was making her usual break for freedom and a chance to worry the nearby mountain goats.

On reading it, I almost wished I had obliterated it with Ghenghis water as the first thing I saw was a directive from Hillary Clinton to the UK to not perform spending cuts on our armed forces bacause she felt it would harm the NATO alliance.  ???????????????????????????????????  Not for the first time it struck me, what the fuck has Hillary Clinton taken (Or her Boss Barry Obama) to think that they can tell us how to spend our money?   Now I have a lot of time for Hillary, after all, she let her hubby screw around a hell of a lot as long as he kept her in comfort, and her social status stayed high and let's face it First Lady is a good gig for a bottle blonde. BUT, since she lost the election because the Yanks will elect a black MAN before they will elect a WOMAN, she has got a little too up herself and this is a prime example.

Hillary, IF your bloody bankers* had not invented Prime Sub Mortgages and brought us all to the brink of destruction due to their epedemic greed, applauded by your US Government, then we would have more than enough bloody money to afford Trident and a load more troops, aircraft carriers etc to be able to give legitimacy to US World Domination plans.

Also, the last time we were in deep shit as a country and you "helped" us, it took us 60 years to repay the debts we incurred, even though you let the enemy off theirs quickly!  As an aside, we also lost a lot of prime real estate too!

So dear Hillary, get back in your box!



Thank you to the Guardian



*Speaking of Bankers!!!!! If the Times today is to be believed then our greedy little shits who run British Banks have a heck of a lot to explain about how they have been propping up Iran over the years and aiding them to avoid sanctions.  IF this is true, then there must be prosections and heavy sentences.

I still think that taking one in ten bankers and decorating lamposts with gibbets in the City of London, pour encourager les autres, would be a good thing but if this is proven after the banking fiasco then all the chiefs plus double decimation would be in order!

Ghenghis 2010

Bringing it all back home

Yes, having a nostalgia session!

Today I am listening to Bob Dylan.  Now for an oldie like me he is someone whose songs I grew up with and he was simply "there" or "far out man" if you were smoking wacky baccy, but it seems that when you are exposed to prodigious talent from an early age you just accept it as natural and you do not actually ever question it or compare it.  So listening again to this performer has actually been an eye opener.


The first Dylan album I owned

 Bob Dylan has to be the outstanding poet of the 20th Century by a long chalk and if it would not put young people off completely, he should be studied in schools.

The concepts in his songs were completely avante garde for his times and he led the way in protesting about race issues and also the cold war, at the same time as writing some amazing lyrics which were often No1 sellers by other artists and in some cases in so doing completely changing the meaning. For example, if you look at the original lyrics as written of "House of the Rising Sun", it says "its been the ruin of many a poor girl, me, oh God, I'm one" NOT boy as everyone sings because back in the day you could not sing about prostitution.

Anyhow, this is meant to be homage, not rant, so here are lyrics of one of his lesser know songs and a link to you tube of him singing it, enjoy!

Ghenghis 2010


Tangled up in Blue - Dylan
Dylan singing the song


Dylan

 Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',
I was layin' in bed
Wond'rin' if she'd changed at all
If her hair was still red.
Her folks they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like Mama's homemade dress
Papa's bankbook wasn't big enough.
And I was standin' on the side of the road
Rain fallin' on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through,
Tangled up in blue.

She was married when we first met
Soon to be divorced
I helped her out of a jam, I guess,
But I used a little too much force.
We drove that car as far as we could
Abandoned it out West
Split up on a dark sad night
Both agreeing it was best.
She turned around to look at me
As I was walkin' away
I heard her say over my shoulder,
"We'll meet again someday on the avenue,"
Tangled up in blue.

I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
But I never did like it all that much
And one day the ax just fell.
So I drifted down to New Orleans
Where I happened to be employed
Workin' for a while on a fishin' boat
Right outside of Delacroix.
But all the while I was alone
The past was close behind,
I seen a lot of women
But she never escaped my mind, and I just grew
Tangled up in blue.

She was workin' in a topless place
And I stopped in for a beer,
I just kept lookin' at the side of her face
In the spotlight so clear.
And later on as the crowd thinned out
I's just about to do the same,
She was standing there in back of my chair
Said to me, "Don't I know your name?"
I muttered somethin' underneath my breath,
She studied the lines on my face.
I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe,
Tangled up in blue.

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe
"I thought you'd never say hello," she said
"You look like the silent type."
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century.
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin' coal
Pourin' off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue.

I lived with them on Montague Street
In a basement down the stairs,
There was music in the cafes at night
And revolution in the air.
Then he started into dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died.
She had to sell everything she owned
And froze up inside.
And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue.

So now I'm goin' back again,
I got to get to her somehow.
All the people we used to know
They're an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter's wives.
Don't know how it all got started,
I don't know what they're doin' with their lives.
But me, I'm still on the road
Headin' for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue.

Copyright Bob Dylan

The Rules for Women

or at least as perceived by a mere male!

The Women's Rules

1. The female always makes the rules

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. The male must apologise immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
8. The female may change her mind at any time.
9. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
15. If the female has PMS/PMT, all the rules are null and void.
16. The female is ready when she is ready.
17. The male must be ready at all time.
18. The male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

So, there you go then and it's easy to understand them so lets have all you blokes paying attention and improving the marital harmony!

Ghenghis 2010

Philip Green and hot air!

or don't bullshit a bullshitter!

Philip Green the "Monaco Based Businessman" (What's all that about then??  Tax haven??) has been telling us all about the waste in the public services and what he says makes a lot of sense ( BBC Interview with Philp Green ).

However, when reading his report I suddenly was reminded about throwing stones and greenhouses.

It was while I was in the USA for the first time that I was in a shopping Mall in Nowhere Louisiana I went into no less than three outlets whilst shopping for Levi Jeans. I was amazed to find that there were at the very least 1000 pairs of Levi Jeans on show in each outlet. If you multiply that by the number of Malls in the state and the number of States in the USA then the USA alone has billions of pairs of usold Levi Jeans sitting on their shelves.  This is in the land of trade and industry where anything regarding social policies is met with almost armed resistance!!

Now, if you then look at the situation for Levi Jeans around the globe then accept there are billions of pairs unsold on the shelves, what would you call that if not "waste" Mr Green??  Then take every other garment in the outlet and do the same extrapolation.  The results are simply frightening and you have to wonder if all of those garments were paid for by the retailers or are on sale or return? If the former then it is retail waste, if the latter it is bullying by retailers on manufacturers, either way it is sinful.

£20M Birthday Bash for 55th Birthday



Now Mr Green, I completely agree with cutting out waste in public services but if you Retailers cut out a lot of waste in your sector then prices would drop and I would have enough money to pay back the debt that your capitalist Banker brethren have stuck me with!



Meanwhile, a Happy Belated  55th Birthday Philip, I am sure the £20M you spent on your birthday party was worth every penny and no waste whatsoever!

Also, I am sure the sunshine is the main reason for you being based in Monaco but are there any other reasons??  Fiscal ones perhaps???

Ghenghis 2010

My Sat Nav told me to do it!

Or shit for brains!

Yet another day when some half-wit (If someone that thick even has half) has blamed their Sat Nav for their having the driving abilities of Aunty Nelly's pet goldfish and clearly a driving licence printed in crayon!

In the popular press you have tales of ambulance-men with brains that most folks would wipe telling you how a move of a patient between two North London hospitals necessitated a round trip via Leeds and three full tank refuels!! [ NOTE to NHS, do a basic intelligence test before employing these cretins!  If they do not know that Leeds is different to London or even that the M1 is a motorway leading North and is unlikely to link two North London hospitals then send them back to Regents Park to live with the others in the monkey house!]

Then you get people who try to drive down one-way streets against the flow because their outdated software told them to do it!  No, first you learn how to drive and then you use aids as an AID, NOT as a brain replacement.  Whilst on that subject, if your wife or other passenger told you to do that, would you not just call them a prat and not do it?  Anyhow, if your satnav still does that, get a new satnav with up to date maps etc.

I rather like my latest satnav (Which unfortunately they stopped selling because it was so bloody good and the manufacturers are French!!) which is a Via Michelin which also has built in software that warns you of what the police cynically call "Safety Cameras" in public and privately refer to as ATMs, as well as bends and schools etc.  It also has a lovely built in goody that calls up FM traffic jam information and inserts it into warnings.  If the road is blocked or very slow it will also automatically route you around it IF you want it to.  It is your choice and again, you get to drive using them as aids, not as instructions, given personally by Jehovah on Mount Sinai on tablets of stone.

So, in short, if you have got a genuine driving licence having passed a UK driving test and a small amount of road experience plus a modicum of basic intelligence then it should be extremely possible to us a satelite navigation aid without running into a canal or going from London to Guildford via Scunthorpe or even running out of petrol because the satnav forgot to tell you to fill up.

It's a simple device that is a great boon to sensible motorists and if you fuck up using it then it is you that is in need of recycling at not the Tom Tom!

Ghenghis 2008-10-11

...and Justice for All

A "viral" email I received a while ago and wanted to share:

Let's put the Pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and
walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying
it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed
and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and
bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual
counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards
would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay £900 per week and have no hope of ever
getting out.
Justice for all we say.

gardens.