Monday, 25 June 2012

Scottish Independence - Let's VOTE!!

Well, today marks the start of the "Better Together" campaign by a lot of Non-SNP Scots to try to persuade Scotland to vote to stay part of the United Kingdom and not ask for Independence.

Bully for them!

However, that nice Mr Toad from the Scots Nationalist Party wants them to have independence AND funding from Westminster so he can continue to spend like a paid off seaman from a round the world voyage whilst never counting the cost.

May I, in this  simple, short and unusually temperate blog humbly request ANOTHER REFERENDUM.

Can us non-Scottish UK Citizens please have a referendum as to keeping the Scots inside the Union or expelling them ?

We could have a very very simple YES/NO vote as follows:

"Should Scotland be expelled from the United Kingdom?  YES or NO"


Ghenghis 2012

Thursday, 29 March 2012

Where the fuck are we Dave??

In the elephant grassed plains of sub-Saharan Africa live an African pygmy tribe called the Fuqawi.  They got their name, it is said, from their habit of going on hunting trips in the elephant grass which grows to a minimum height of two metres and suddenly all stopping and jumping up and down in unison shouting "We're the Fuqawi??" or at least, that's what it sounds like.

I know how they feel.

call me Dave, I am a common person
"Call Me Dave" has now been our very earnest young cool and totally street cred Prime Minister for two years and the more I see him, the more I see a well spoken toffee-nosed aristocrat who went to all the best schools, was a member of the Bullingdon Club at Oxford and who probably thinks fagging is an excellent system but has not got a single clue about the impact that this recession is having on basic normal working people.

He can't, because he has never been one, has never had to depend on a union to negotiate a living wage, has never taken a second or third job in order to keep the roof over his head and that of his family. Has never had to make a judgement on taking the Bus or walking because he cannot afford the train. Has never chosen a holiday based on the price. Has never shopped in a Charity shop and definitely has never been round the supermarket looking for own brands food to make ends meet. Has never worried about making the mortgage payment or prayed that the car gets through it's MOT without needing repairs.

In short he is a toff and good luck to him. Just don't go on about how he eats Cornish Pasties and ordered a large one if he recalls correctly and how "jolly nice" it was too.  It smacks of slumming it Dave and just reflects that when you think of the "common people" you think "common" rather than "people" and you have to manufacture some form of patronising comment because you have never been common now have you Dave?

So David, as a direct descendant of King William the IV and as a definite Toff of the First Order, how about trying to find a member of your party who was not born with a silver spoon in their mouths to try and articulate to you honestly what impact your lack of grasp on reality is having on the common people of the UK.  Your last budget squeezed the normal tax paying workers once again but made the gap between rich and poor even wider.  You have continued to bail out and support the idiot bankers who got us into this mess but have done nothing to ease the lives of the taxpayers who have to pay for their excesses?  OK so you did eventually take away Fred the Shred's Knighthood but as it was for "services to the banking industry" then we all fell about laughing at that anyway.
When are we going to see Bankers prosecuted and gaoled for their profligacy and greed  in the face of common sense? When will we see politicians and senior civil servants axed for allowing the financial meltdown to occur??

Now apparently you next Bright Idea is to sell off part of the state owned Royal Bank of Scotland at bargain basement prices??  What sort of fucking madness is this?  Whatever you are smoking it MUST be illegal!

Fred the Shred
If you want rid of RBS, then give all of the taxpayers that are having to pay for RBS failures a fair proprtion of the shares we own.  Then we can take shareholder action against those old directors responsible. OK we will leave the poor sod in place trying to sort out the shambolic mess and he deserves a bonus, but what about the ones who were responsible?

So Dave!  Reality check. I could not give a toss about how "Jolly Nice" your West Cornwall Pasty Company Cornish Pasty was, or even where you bought it, but I would love to have some good news about jobs, small businesses, growth and "The Economy Stupid" !!

Once again Dave, where the fuck are we?

Ghenghis 2012

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Lord preserve us from Left Wing Actors!

The latest ignorant American to grace our newspapers is that ignoramus lefty Sean Penn.

Sean Penn who was totally convincing
when he played a Stoner
Penn who apparently supports any country or Dictator that finds itself at odds with America has clearly decided a change is as good as a rest and has now decided to have a pop at his ex-Wife, Madonna's adopted country the United Kingdom.

With the same élan and nonchalance, not to say ignorance of any of the actual facts barring that they were apparently left wing or totalitarian or both that he used in his support for IRAN, CUBA and VENEZUALA, and without the same diligence and experience that he used when playing a stoner (Jeff Spicoli) he has blundered in to South America and espoused the "cause" of the Argentinian President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner where in order to deflect people from her appalling domestic performance she has started sabre rattling about The Falkland Islands.

Penn has stated  "I think that the world today is not going to tolerate any kind of ludicrous and archaic commitment to colonialist ideology. The way of dialogue is the only way to achieve a better solution for both nations.".

Sean, Sean, maybe your research into how to play Jeff Spiccoli was too thorough?  For your information, edification and information, the people who actually LIVE in or rather upon The Falkland Islands were balloted by the Argentine Government shortly after the same Argentine Government was sent packing with their tails between their legs after their last illegal and ill advised invasion of The Falkland Islands and said Islanders voted by over 94% to stay British.  The UK is merely defending the islanders right to self determination.

"Rabbit", said Pooh, "Kindly Fuck Off!!"
However, one has to admire your most wonderful anti-Colonial commitment Sean and one hopes that in keeping with your purity of thought and righteousness not to mention your dedication to justice in these cases, you will of course pass title for your home in Malibu back to the Mexican Government forthwith as it is a prime example of support for a  "ludicrous and archaic commitment to colonialist ideology." for you to remain on what is clearly Mexican soil.

Or to put it so clearly that even Jeff Spicolli could understand: Hey Sean, Fuck off back to your own turf and sort out your own problems before you stick your nose into mine!

Ghenghis - February 2012

Friday, 10 February 2012

Shut the FUCK up!!!!

First let's set out my stall a little, I am a Rugby man, I played at School and then as an adult, my boys played and still do and I am a supporter of Wasps and England and used to be one at London Irish when they used to be in London and have Irish players (Hint!).  So I am speaking from a prejudiced experience.

I watched the England v Scotland match, known also as the Calcutta Cup, and part of the Six Nations last week and I found the actual game quite enthralling as what should have been the underdogs, a young, naive English squad took on a more seasoned Scots team on their home turf.

The game progressed well until the penalties and the conversions and then, at the stage when most folk with a Rugby background of any sort would become deathly silent, the Booing started.  That and the counter-cheering became tumultuous,

Well, I know this will come as a surprise to all of you Johnny or Jenny-come-latelys to Rugby BUT that is something that you just DO NOT DO!!!!!

Instead, whilst the ball is being placed, you quieten down, you do not even talk, you sit there quiet and watch with bated breath and then, once the ball has been kicked and is on it's way towards the posts you can yell your heads off and cheer if it goes in your favour.
HOWEVER, even if the kick goes against you, you still clap the kicker if he scores.
Even worse, you have to politely applaud the opposition if they make a successful move against you and even worser, if they score a TRY!

Yes, I know, fucking strange isn't it?  However, it's the way that we have played Rugby for generations and it is the way that it is played today at Amateur level all round the world and at professional level at the Clubs.

Bill Mclaren must have spun in his grave at the sound of Murrayfield and all true Scots and English supporters who were there must have been beetroot red with shame at what occurred.

It isn't because we think we are too "good" to boo or that we are being prissy. It's just part of the traditions of a game that is older than any of us and which we have learned from our fathers as they learned from theirs.  It is part and parcel of the game and as much as we keep those traditions we keep others just as sacred, like the one where whatever hideous carnage and violence goes on during play and on the pitch, the supporters are unsegregated and unafraid to cheer on their own team no matter who is sitting next to them. Indeed, Rugby supporters then, at match end, shake hands and walk back together to the nearest pubs, drink together with NO VIOLENCE and eventually get on trains home together, maybe drunk, normally happy and all wearing their Team's favours.  Compare and contrast this with a soccer crowd.

So, next time you find yourself at a Rugby match and there is a penalty or conversion kick about to take place, imagine that I, Ghenghis, am standing behind you in the crowd with an axe and a good bead on splitting you in two, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Shut the fuck up!

Ghenghis - February 2012

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

The Euro - Explained by Blackadder

Well worth repeating here:

Baldrick: “What I want to know sir, is before there was a Euro there were lots of different types of money that different people used.  And now there’s only one type of money that the foreign people use.  And what I want to know is, how did we get from one state of affairs to the other state of affairs”
Blackadder: “Baldrick.  Do you mean, how did the Euro start?”
Baldrick: “Yes sir”
Blackadder: “Well, you see Baldrick, back in the 1980′s there were many different countries all running their own finances and using different types of money.  On one side you had the major economies of France, Belgium, Holland and Germany, and on the other, the weaker nations of Spain, Greece, Ireland, Italy and Portugal.  They got together and decided that it would be much easier for everyone if they could all use the same money, have one Central Bank, and belong to one large club where everyone would be happy.  This meant that there could never be a situation whereby financial meltdown would lead to social unrest, wars and crises”.
Baldrick: “But this is sort of a crisis, isn’t it sir”.
Blackadder: “That’s right Baldrick. You see, there was only one slight flaw with the plan”.
Baldrick: “What was that then sir?”
Blackadder: “It was bollocks”.

Ghenghis January 2012

Friday, 23 December 2011

Brides Head Revisited

A young lady who blogs and is referenced here (Sabrina, you know who you are!!) often writes porn of a very high calibre, whilst not being of her standard, I offer this meagre tale as a response and maybe something to turn her on a little to repay the many arousals she has given me.

As the door shut and your last Bridesmaid ran down to where their car was waiting for them you breathed a sigh of relief and inspected your make-up – all looking good, you turn to the door of your hotel room to go to where your father is waiting in the Limo.

As you open the door, I am there. You look surprised to see me and smile uncertainly.

“Just a kiss ‘Goodbye and Good Luck” I say and duck in for a kiss.

  You lift your head to me and we kiss, gently at first and then with more and more force until our tongues are fighting wildly and my hands are holding your arse.

 Feeling you melting in my arms I walk you back into the room, backwards until your legs hit the bed and you lie back, legs akimbo with your dress rising up to show pure white stockings with one blue garter.

I fall to the bed with you, kissing you madly and start to feel your breasts from the outside of your dress at first, then, as your nipples harden, I reach into your dress and scoop out first one, then both of your plump breasts.  Moving down towards them with my tongue I suckle and kiss them with great desire.

Your hands move to my penis and massage it slowly through my trousers.

I move further down and off the bed and lift your dress to reveal stockings and suspenders plus a white filmy pair of the smallest panties known to man.

I gently move them aside and lick you gently and slowly all over your clit, over your labia and down the velvet strip to your bum.

I then move back and push my tongue right inside your pussy and then lave your clit and lips with multiple forms and designs until you cum magnificently, squirting and crying noisily.

“Give me your fucking prick now!!” you cry and I stand up, take off my trousers and pants, push your panties to your ankles and slide inside your moist pussy and start to slowly make love to you.

You reach round and grab my bum and pull me in further.

You speed up your bucking and I can hold back no longer.

All too soon I come with a sob, and we lie there for a few short moments.

“The time!!” you cry and rush to your feet, slipping your boobs back inside the dress, checking your makeup in the mirror you run down to your car, leaving me in an empty room with nothing but your perfume and a very small pair of damp white panties………..

You make the Church with minutes to spare and your bridesmaids compliment you on the colour in your cheeks and the sparkle in your eye.

As you slowly walk down the aisle, all clad in white, some of my sperm trickles gently out of your pussy and down your leg where it lodges in the tops of your stockings………

You clear your mind and take your Father's arm as you walk towards the priest and your future husband. 

Ghenghis - Christmas 2011

Monday, 5 December 2011

Women's Lib??

One Hundred and Fifty Years of Feminist movements, from the early suffragettes through to the modern feminazis and through the same period us having wider and deeper education of the common masses and the result is:

She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before!
Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood whore!
I'm tryinna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful!!!

The way that booty movin' - I can't take no more
Have to stop what I am doin' so I can pull her up close
I'm tryinna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful!!!

Damn Girl!!!!!!!

Damn you's a sexy bitch, sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch
Damn Girl!!!

Damn you's a sexy bitch, sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch!!!!

Just a thought!!


December 2011

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Lips of an Angel

"And I know I wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel"

STOP!!  Before you read any further, yes this IS about pussy lips and is NOT about facial lips.  OK, now we have that damn straight, and you are clearly still here, read on...............................

Pussies are like fingerprints.
No, I don't think that the Metropolitan Police (Or Old Bill as we still know and love them as) will ever decide that taking pussy prints will be as effective at  catching villains as fingerprints (Although if anyone wants to fund me into taking pussy prints for a National Database they will find my rates VERY reasonable) but I have to make the point that every pussy is different.

Now virtually every bloke knows this but, and I personally found this to be amazing, is that most women, especially those in the sex industry, do not seem to know that there are one heck of a lot of different pussies out there.

Now ask a bloke if his best mate has a big or small dick and is circumcised or not and I will bet you any money that he knows and has also secretly envied him for years if it is bigger or gently thought of him as inferior if it is smaller!

Why is this?

Is it because all blokes are closet homosexuals really?  Nope.
Is it because most women are confident in their own attractions and do not want or need to check out the opposition? Double Nope.

I think the answer probably lies in the way each sex pees and a phenomenal invention called The Urinal.
Blokes, because they piss standing up have plenty of opportunity when growing up to see another guy peeing, either au-naturel in the countryside or in a Public/Pub toilet.  Any blokes reading this?  Try telling me that you have never checked out the opposition's equipment when you can and hoped to God you didn't get caught peeking.

Whereas the Ladies would find it much more difficult in the time between a hairless pre-pubescent pussy and a shaved pussy to actually do similar. So Ladies, the first two charts are for your use so you can get a good look at what the opposition have to offer and with some dexterous use of a hand held mirror (Careful as despite appearances the secretions of a pussy are lousy to clean glass with) you can check up on your undercarriage and compare.

Of course removal of the pubic hair, in whole or part, adds to the visibility and attraction (In my humble opinion although others may disagree) of a pussy and once it is removed then adornments and decorations, even paint or tattoos, become accessible to the more adventurous of the ladies.

Although in a previous Blog I have likened the appearance of a nude and spread pussy to an opened Mussel (And been taken to task by some for my presumption) and despite some ladies of my acquaintance referring to it as their "Clam", I have always thought it reminded me more of an Oyster. No, not that strange blue card they use in London but the shellfish once opened. Not because of the taste, although some ladies on warm days seem to develop an "Eau du Poisson" flavouring, a nicely washed and presented pussy tastes like heaven. 

Men also take every opportunity when looking at porn, once they have stopped being green with envy at the size of the todger of the actors, to actually check out the shape of the blokes and see if they are roundheads or cavaliers.  They also check out the pussies on show for a host of reasons but one is to decide which type they find visually most appealing.

So ladies, next time you are in a position to be able to check out another lady's vaj, not only take a quick butchers, but tell her that you would appreciate a close-up inspection of her lady parts and offer to return the compliment.

You will be given a new perspective on life and who knows, you may even find it becomes a new Hobby!

All the best

Merry Christmas


December 2011

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Rebuilding "Broken Britain"

Broken Britain
A lot has been written and talked about concerning what people call "Broken Britain" but in the main people seem to think that someone else snuck in while we weren't looking and knocked it over when in reality we are all to blame either by creating it or even worse by not standing up and being counted when it was being broken.
So what do we do about it? Who broke it? How do we fix it? Here are some embryonic ideas that might help:

Who Broke Britain?

Well, the short answer is; "We all did", either by direct actions or complacency, apathy or being too concerned with our own lives.  We got taken up with Maggie's "Me first" ideologies and missed the fact that at the same time that she was breaking the unions and bringing in the Gordon Gekko "greed is good" philosophies that have tainted us, the insidious left were undermining our basic institutions.
So, in short, in my opinion, extreme left wing and right wing ideologies since the last War actually created Broken Britain and now we need to fix it.
Apart from the Banking system which I have pilloried in earlier blogs and where I have suggested a mild solution of hanging one in ten Bankers from lamp posts in the city "pour encourager les autres" I feel the following areas need to be examined and to adopt solutions as shown.  Clearly this is not meant to be a scholarly document but a vox pop piece reflecting how the man on the Clapham Omnibus feels and how we can put it right.  Instead of posturing and posing in Parliament, maybe these wastes of space which were the MPs who came back from holiday and ensured their local paper had a good soundbite last Thursday could actually get together and pass the relevant legislation??  After all, is that not what we elected them to do?


Lets start with the Parents as they are supposed to be the biggest influence on a child.
The majority of children appearing before the Riot Courts in the past few days have not had their parents with them. Parents of these children have failed completely in bringing them up and are now trying to ignore the behaviour and it's consequences of their offspring.  This is going to become a little harder to do because when "Wayne" gets sent down for looting then Mum and Dad can find themselves evicted, and good thing too.
These parents do not seem to give a damn OR are terrorised by their kids.  But why?
Well, let's face it, in the old days, if a kid came home and told his parents he was in trouble at school or with the police, the first thing would be his parents punishing him or her in advance of any other action.
This was more prevalent in immigrant families who certainly agreed with "spare the rod and spoil the child" as a philosophy but it also pertained in basic British families.
Then the left wing brought in laws which said "Thou shalt not smack your child" - when there was absolutely zero evidence in favour of no smacking and mountains of evidence that it worked.  Lets be real here, we are not talking about a "Baby P" scenario where a child can be battered to death by inhuman brutes while the zillions of support services play "The Three Wise Monkies" but on simple discipline of a child to make them realise that there are boundaries and limits to what society will accept. One has to wonder if Jamie Bulger's parents would have wished his killer's parents to have brought their two killer sons up with more discipline?
Discipline in itself is not the answer as a child has to be lovingly disciplined if it is to work but taking away discipline from a loving parent makes their job 20x harder, we need to reverse this.


At the same time as the Left were attacking Parents, they also attacked Teachers. This was made easier by the teaching unions who were at the time very left wing and progressive and who called for corporal punishment in schools to be banned.  Teachers who caned or slippered were portrayed as sadists or sexual deviants or both.  Fifty years ago, if a child was in trouble at school, parents were embarrassed and would support the teacher and indeed give further punishments to the child. Now parents regularly confront teachers and in a lot of cases actually attack them physically when their children are in trouble.
Teachers do have a disciplinary role but if they have no means of enforcement and no support from feral parents then it is unsurprising that they abnegate that role.
We need to empower teachers to employ corporal punishment as an ultimate deterrent, under strict rules, and to ensure parents who attack teachers are immediately gaoled until their case is heard.


Watching brief
Then we have the Police. I cannot remember how many successive Governments have talked about getting more police on the streets but who have enacted policies that did the exact opposite.  A lot of the rioters have said that the only reason they chanced their arm in looting was that there were too few police to stop them and those who were there originally were not getting stuck in.
On the Saturday, Sunday and Monday of the riots, this was predominantly the case as too few Police Officers were on the streets and thos who were were powerless to stop the hundreds of looters.  However their reluctance to become involved was also pretty redolent of two main themes; Reaction to the G20 riots prosecution of a Police Officer and a general expectation by senior Police Officers that some crimes are not worth pursuing.  The former is a case where on mature reflection, I think it was wrong to prosecute the officer.  Yes he was heavy handed, yes what he did was wrong, BUT we do not want our riot police to be thinking about the cameras watching them whilst they are attempting to quell a riot, we want them to quell it. A case in point is people moaning about Police Brutality where Manchester Police were shown giving Rioters on bikes and wearing hoodies a short sharp shock with batons.  The You Tube video went viral with the vast majority of people watching it praising the Police for what they did.  If they do trace the officers (Which I hope they don't), it should be to give them a People's Medal.
On the second point, it came to light last week that some Police Forces are refusing to send an officer out to 50% of crimes and will only investigate crimes where CCTV or direct witness evidence exists and a known suspect.  Now who on earth set up a league table of crimes and decided that investigation was determined on needing it to be on camera??  Does this mean if someone is murdered in the middle of a forest, no policeman hears the 999 call?
It also explains why soft targets like motorists speeding or having slightly misaligned number plates get prosecuted whilst burglary prosecutions decline rapidly.
The Police also seem to be able to choose what laws they will enforce and what they will not.  As an example, when was the last time you saw any copper at all bothered by someone driving an HGV whilst on the phone with it to their ear??  Despite the fact that it is highly dangerous behaviour and redolent of a "couldn't give a fuck!" attitude?

So, what are the solutions to this sort of behaviour and how do we re-enable parents, teachers and Police to be able to reshape society to they way the majority want it?  Here are a few suggestions:

In the old days or maybe the "good" old days, when we ruled most of the world it was relatively easy, just transport the felons you did not need to Australia and let them survive or not as colonists in the New World.
However we have none of these options available and Australia has caught on and has sent people like Peter Tatchell over here to plague us rather than keeping him at home.

Repeal some laws
We need to get parliament to repeal some laws and also some white papers on corporal punishment in schools, smacking etc. In short all the laws that make parenting more difficult and teaching more onerous.
A good sort out of laws that are manifestly NOT being enforced by the Police would be good too with the ones remaining being rigorously enforced by the Police.

All Crimes to be Investigated
If a crime is really a crime then it needs to be investigated.  Dropping litter on the streets is an offence and needs to be on the spot fined but Burglary is a Crime and should always be investigated properly. It is NOT a waste of time to investigate as most burglars get better as they go on so are more likely to get caught on earlier crimes.

Enact New Laws
Some laws need to be enacted; Making Parents equally responsible for their children's actions might be draconian but losing your council house should be the minimum if you child riots and loots.
Proceeds of crime legislation needs to be extended to households where their income vastly exceeds their benefits and an onus of proof on source of funds needs to be upon the holder not on the Police.
Old days hoodies, still evil
Gun crime needs stiffer penalties and carrying knives or any other offensive weapon under cover needs to be an immediate gaol sentence.
Wearing Hoodies or balaclavas in public when the weather is not snowing or wintery needs to be an offence and so does wearing hoodies when 5 or more are gathered together.  Citizens need to have a fear free environment.
Threatening behaviour needs to be a more stiff penalty offence as well.

Enforce Existing Laws
Clearly enforcing existing laws would be sensible and although Parliament including "Call me Dave" mentioned "The Riot Act" when talking about victim compensation, there is an overwhelming need to actually use The Riot Act in the midst of or at the start of an actual riot.  Therefore the 1973 repeal of the Riot Act needs to be overturned and provisions made to enforce it.
The original Riot Act gave a "riotous assembly" a short period of time to disperse peaceably before the authorities could use all force to disperse the rioters. Powers were also given to indemnify any citizens helping the Police or Authorities against prosecution in the case that that enforcement resulted in the death of a rioter.

National Service
There should be two types of National Service introduced, Military and Civilian.  These should both be for a period of two years and volunteers should have the choice of either branch.
Civilian should be broken down in to uniformed volunteers and for offenders.  The Offenders should be made to wear dayglo orange jump suits with "OFFENDER" written in black on them prominently.  Army style discipline should be the norm for both Military and Civilian branches but with citizenship and personal behaviours training also given.

OK, this is not the perfect solution by any means but it is something that I have been mulling over for a while and have decided to put out there for consideration and comment.  Yes it has a lot of flaws but it is the idea that is behind it that counts and I welcome anyone's constructive comments on it.

Ghenghis 2011

Friday, 5 August 2011

Travellers Tales

A friend of mine on Twitter who is one of the more articulate and travelled punters asked me to do a Blog entry about "Sex in an Islamic State" and upon reflection this seemed like something fun to write about as there are still a lot of people who think that everywhere of that nature is ruled by Mad Mullahs and Sharia Police and that just thinking of sex as a westerner can get you beheaded.  So here goes.

Dubai still under construction
Dubai is one of my real bête noire of the places to go because it is so hypocritical. They give you an image of hedonism and unparalleled freedoms where the reality is from the moment you arrive you are treated with contempt by officialdom, the majority of the buildings are unfinished shells which are lit at night to give the illusion of untrammelled growth  and everything overpriced.
Hotels are very expensive but virtually all of them do have working girls operating in them and in their night clubs attached.  Competition is high for these ladies and so it is best to decide early on which one you want and then secure her services.  This in Dubai however is a very expensive option as they tend to want feeding and watering as well which really racks up the overall cost.
I have done it there for the experience but ONLY for the experience and will not repeat that or indeed return if I have any say in the matter.
Ghenghis Punting Index for Dubai puts it at -5 (Out of 1-10)

Now this is an interesting one as the one thing you do have to realise is that although Algeria does not have any real tourist industry it does have an extremely effective and large secret police force and so if you are planning on punting just be aware that this will be noted in the archives.
Having said that most hotels there have a reasonable selection of ladies to choose from however the ability to speak French is preferable if you are going to negotiate as they all start high.
A typical punting evening starts over dinner where you are warmed up by the "local" belly dancers. Strangely enough in Algeria, virtually all of these belly dancers are Russian and speak good English.  A few minutes hovering near the lift (As they all tend to live on the premises) tends to elicit that they also supply additional services and this tends to result in a more reasonably priced encounter but without the local frisson.
Alternatively the local girls hunt in pairs and are to be found in all of the hotel bars.  These will be dressed in Western fashion and will be chatting away, apparently animatedly to each other, however looking directly at them tends to elicit a smile and a wave.  There appears to be a common rule that they are not allowed to approach you directly so a gesture for them to join you will be ignored but if you walk across and introduce yourself the ladies will within seconds start price negotiations for the overnight. They tend not to do 1-2 hours but will happily price that if asked.  After that it is a trip to the check in to get them registered (For Police and Fire purposes) and then you can take them up to your room and try what you have purchased. Algerian ladies tend to be highly enthusiastic and you can have a great time however caveat emptor as with all things punting, if there is a bum note in the bar, do NOT ignore it.
Ghenghis Punting Index for Algeria puts it at +5 (Out of 1-10)

Morocco is a haven for punting in North Africa and the Islamic countries although as with everything, including it's great religious tolerance, it is not evident on the surface.
All of the major cities have bars/nightclubs with selective entry which locals and westerners of a reasonable dress code can gain admittance to and which offer dining, drinking and dancing.  A lot of these are also frequented by the higher end of the working girl community and your hotel concierge, if asked discretely, will point you towards one within reasonable distance of your hotel.
Once there, just going to the bar or going on to the dance floor (Even accompanied by a lady) will make you available to be hit on by ladies of negotiable virtue who will dance alongside you or even with you and then ask you to buy them a drink (Normal bar prices NOT £200 bottle of 'champagne' ).  Over the drink they propose prices and venues.  Be warned, if they go back to your hotel, you will have to buy a cheap room for them, if you go back to their room it is riskier but cheaper.  Your choice.  You do get some genuine French girls there working but in the main they are local ladies.
Another new thing that is taking hold is Hammam Massage which is a "Turkish" Bath experience but with exfoliation. Ensure that the Spa you use is staffed by ladies though as normally they are available for me, staffed by men and that is a totally different experience!!  The one staffed by ladies and recommended by the concierge tend to be ones where, after the whole refreshing and cleansing is completed by a buxom young lady in a wet suit, she is then persuaded to remove the wet suit and join you for a gloriously sweaty romp. Be warned though that these young ladies do not carry condoms and so if you want the ultimate climax to this even you need to bring your own which they will enthusiastically employ.
Following the Hammam, you are taken to a rest area where you cool down on a bed with scented rose water dripped on you and mint tea.  Once you have calmed sufficiently round 2 starts where another young lady takes you into a massage room where unguents and creams are liberally employed and the result of any excitement is dealt with joyfully for a small additional charge agreed.
After that you are offered a shower before leaving, and if there is any life in the old dog by that time, a charming new young lady will assist you to remove any lingering stiffness.
When you are dressing, the various ladies will visit you for their agreed "presents" which they receive courteously with a kiss.
Ghenghis Punting Index for Morocco puts it at +9 (Out of 1-10)

Finally, Pakistan.  Now those of you who know me, know that I tend to be equally at home in Islamic countries as with others however Pakistan is one of my favourites.  Despite all the Newspaper hysteria, it is generally a very peaceful country with the majority of people interested in feeding themselves and their families, having somewhere reasonable to live, get their children properly educated and having a job to pay for these benefits.  Yes there is a lot wrong too but on balance I like the place and the people.
In Pakistan the whole sex industry is underground and you do need the help of a trusted local to get in on the scene however once in you can do anything from sex parties to individual punts.  The punts tend to be at your hotel or flat if you are a westerner and the parties at friends flats.
Straightforward punts tend to be overnighters and for a fixed price you have all the sex you can both handle. Although again they also have Russian girls working, you can also get local girls but check the ages as looks can be deceptive and girls get married there at 14 and you need to be sure.  I tend to ask specifically for NOT under 25 which means they are of working age in the UK and meet my own moral stance.
The sex parties are where a varying number of ladies do increasingly more erotic and explicit dances, individually and a s a group whilst the attendant males eat, drink alcohol and smoke (Smoking is a bane in Islamic countries as a rule) and then at points in the evening, one of more of the performers and guests retire to one of the bedrooms to make smiles. Depending on the generosity of your host/friend, you will either be insulting him if you offer to pay or sometimes if you don't but it is sensible to ask prior to the event in all cases.
Ghenghis Punting Index for Pakistan puts it at +7 (Out of 1-10)

So, a very small taster of Punting in Islamic countries but hopefully one where you can get a glimpse of the possibilities and realise that it is not the barren wasteland for punting as it sometimes is portrayed but rather a chance to gain experiences.

Ghenghis 2011