Being Pissed Off!!!

Q. Why did the ant stop climbing up the elephants leg?
A. He got pissed off!

Yes its an old joke, not dissimilar to me in fact but it sets the scene to segue neatly into my long awaited return to Blogging with a diatribe on the people and things that Piss Me Off.  A sort of "Grumpy Old Ghenghis" but in Blog Form rather than a TV programme (Also I don't get paid for doing it which also pisses me off!).

Years ago I got "that list", you know, the one with the little boy on it who is saying "Every Day I am Forced to Add Someone to the List of People who Piss Me Off!!".  Well, I think we all really have that list, even if it is only a mental one and even if we do not keep it religiously but more in an Anglican fashion of just for high days and holidays.  So here is mine:

The List of People and Things that really PISS ME OFF!!

This is not an exhaustive List and will vary from time to time dependant upon anything from ground temperature, distance to the nearest Kharzi or hunger.  In no particular order:

1. Bastards who drive in the centre lane of a three or four lane motorway despite being slower than anyone else and despite space to their left.  I would like purple spray paint cannon to leave them in no doubt what fuckwits they are!
   
2. Bureaucrats and Jobsworths - people who have a petit fonctionaire type job but who love to exercise the minimal control they have over that function to really make your life difficult.  Their usual excuse is along the lines of "I would love to be helpful and do what is sensible but it is more than my jobs worth to be helpful.  Tarring and feathering is too good for these people
   
3. Bankers - These hypocritical fat cats who first fuck up our economy so badly that it will be a toss up as to if our descendants actually do mange to pay off the debts incurred before Global Warming makes the planet uninhabitable and then pay themselves super bonus' under the threat of buggering off somewhere else to fuck up their economies!!  Confiscate all their goods and possessions, sell their wives to a brothel and their children to slavery and then hang 1 in 10 of them from a city lampost (No, you twat, not the same lamp post, one each!) and deport the other 9.
   
   
4. Oil Companies - bleeding leeches to a man, every year Oil Companies post bigger and bigger profits and yet every year those same oil companies tell us how the people that pump the gas do it for love and that it is just the Government who makes money out of oil.  BULLSHIT!!!!  Have you seen how much money they are making?  They are making that out of people like you and me.  What's more, they are mainly American companies and which country whines most about Petrol Prices and pays the least (If you don't count Saudi Arabia)??  Yes, America!!
   
5. The EU/EEC/whatever the fuck they call themselves today - The majority of our fucked up laws, as opposed to the sensible ones that made us Great, are from the EU and the latest one is the fuckwittery of Super-Injunctions that are now grantable to the rich and famous by Judges whose parentage is questionable and their grasp on reality even looser.  What makes this even more farcical is the prime mover of this latest EU Farce Law is the French whose state is apparently based upon Liberte, Fraternite and Egalite - well, I suppose to the average Frog, one out of three is a result and beats their War Record
   
6. Poppy Burners and Royal Wedding Protesters - including those CNUTS who protested at (Soon to be Royal)  Wootton Bassett.  These people do have a right to legitimate and peaceful protest but their actions are also behaviour liable to cause a Breach of the Peace, especially if the fuckers do this anywhere near me, and any reasonable individual would surely expect the local plod present to "Read the Riot Act" to those pulling those stunts and similar and then give them a good truncheoning and a few nights to recover at the local nick??
   
7. Anarchists - Like those idiots in Black who decided to take over a misguided TUC march that was as vacuous and vague as Cameron's Big Society ideas and kick in shop windows etc.  Also the idiots in Bristol who sallied forth from their squat against a local Tesco Express.  Shave their heads, put them in leg irons and orange jump suits and have them cleaning the streets for the next 3 years
   
8. Politicians - enough said?? - OK, maybe the last thirty years plus of these self serving bastards has not convinced you it is time for a real change, well it has me.  Let's get AV in to start with just to prove we can change the political rues without incurring the Wrath of God and then have a debate on what methods we really want to elect our politicians and change again to that one.  If we do NOT take this chance to make a change, however cosmetic, we will lose all opportunities for the next Century.
   
9. Sizeists - Those people who are naturally slim thanks to the right DNA and who can eat tons of buns and pies without putting on an ounce who then slag off people who are not similarly blessed.  One git who really had a habit of doing that was that long lanky streak of piss, Jasper Carrott.  Well Jasper, you are a bit of a pudge bucket yourself now aren't you, care to tell us how disgusted you are with yourself??  Also, those ladies with lovely boobs with no sag who laugh at skinny women with no tits and call them "Boylike" and other daft names.  Just be happy as you are and if not do you best to change but not to damage yourself.
   
10. Selfish Gits - People who go their whole way through life taking and using, who drop litter, use people, and never think of once doing a little charity work, looking after an old neighbour, donating blood, helping with reading at a local school, supporting Help for Heroes or any one of a number of things that make our world turn.  These are the Easyjet generation, the ones with sharp elbows who run to the plane, the ones that always buy thousands of bog-rolls or bread if there is a shortage looming and the ones who move house so their kid can get in to a better school.

OK, so there are only ten so far on my list but I am sure that you have a different ten and feel free to add those via comments below.

Ghenghis 2011

Define Hypocrisy

Sheen in better days

Today's prime candidate for the ultimate definition of Hypocrisy with a capital H must be Charlie Sheen being dumped by CBS and Warner Brothers on 7th March this year apparently for what the Americans refer to as "moral turpitude" which sort of means, too many drugs, too much booze, too much violence and generally tomcatting around.

The clearly unseen irony on behalf of his employers is that the character he plays (Or maybe played) in Two and a Half Men was Charlie Harper, a hedonistic womaniser who according to the script was either stoned or drunk most of the time, was always employing hookers in multiple numbers and the series also included violence (In one programme airing at the moment Charlie himself is beaten up badly by a returned ex (Ex Girlfriend and ex Gaolbird) who does this whilst fleecing him for loads of money and Charlie is so stoned he loves her for it.

So Art, is imitating (Charlies own) Life which apparently in turn has not only fuelled his Art but increased his Life addictions apart from funding them well and the result is a train wreck.

In words straight out of the series - "Now who could have seen that coming?"

Now Sheen, or Carlos Irwin Estevez as he was christened, is regaling everyone via Ustream with his raving and rantings cussing everyone in CBS and Warner Bros as well as showing a prime example of how his life-style has finally got the better of him.

As Dietrich memorably said in "Face Off", "No more drugs for that man!!"

Ghenghis 2011

More Questions than Answers?

A Working Girl that I have "met" recently asked me a load of questions via Twitter and it seemed more sensible if she asked them via email and I blogged a reply so here is my best effort at telling my version of the answers.


So, here they are, in her order, with my replies - if she asks supplementaries then I will edit this blog:

How did you first get into punting?


The sex in my marriage had dried up completely when my wife decided she was too old and I was too unattractive to carry on having sex.  After the usual (As I found) 2-3 years of self-abasement, denigration, embarrassment and total loss of any vestiges of dignity I decided that I was not ever again going to beg for sex and hope to get it twice a year. My constant asking was getting her down too.
I told my wife that I would stop asking her for sex and continue providing etc but would "sort myself out for sex".  I told her that if she wanted to know how, I would tell her the truth but if she did not want the truth, she should not ask me what I was doing.  She agreed and then promptly forgot this it seems.


At first I looked for "dates" but realised I did not want a relationship and so this also proved mainly fruitless as I had lost the art of "chatting up" a woman.


Then a mate introduced me to punting.  We were having a natter one day about sport and we spied a couple of nice looking ladies and discussed them and after thet he asked me if I had ever been to a "Dirty Tarts Shop". I thought he was speaking a foreign language but it was his phrase for a local brothel in East London "manned" by Chinese and Italian  ladies.  After a lot of joshing around I agreed to go with him and for the princely sum of £20, I went in to an East London derelict slum with a corned-beef legged old Scots woman smoking roll-ups and coughing up phlegm running the joint and had half an hour with a very nicely spoken Chinese lady who "loved me long time!".

For the next month I went every day!


Then I calmed down.


What methods do you use to find your next punt? e.g. AW, PN, newspapers, word of mouth, etc

I use various methods including papers, Punternet FRs, Message Boards, Mates recommendations etc plus a lot of straight Googleing.  I tend to only ever use Adultwork as a check-up resource as there are so many scams and idiots on there.  Also, a lot of my punts come via other Working Girls who ask me if I have been with their friend etc.  From time to time I get WGs ask me if I will punt them or why I have not tried punting them.



How long have you been punting?

About 20 or so years



What type of punt do you prefer? Parlour.. indie..

I like both types, in fact all types, and it mainly depends on my mood, the amount of time I have got etc as to what I do.  I also go for a massage at least once a week and sometimes this turns in to a punt too.





Have you found any differences between the above?

Only the ambience of the surroundings!  I have also seen Indies in Parlours and also taken a Parlour Girl (Many times) out to a hotel.  It is the lady that counts, not really the surroundings.

What type of punt do you consider best value for money?

One where the Lady and I connect, and make smiles.  One where I walk out feeling refreshed and sated and with a smile a mile wide. One where I hope the Lady has enjoyed it too.



What was your first punt like?

See above.  I knew the mechanics but did not know how good it would feel afterwards and very suprised at my total lack of any guilt about it whatsoever.

Do you get the feeling of excitement or thrills before/after each punt?

Yes, and I also sometimes get the shakes etc!!  LOL.  When I met two beautiful ladies recently, one British Indian and the other British Black, I quite literally had shaking hands and this only wore off after a while. They must have thought I was a drying out alkie!!  But the really stunning ladies thrill me that much!


Is punting like drugs?  i.e. the thrill wears off quickly and you have to keep punting to keep the "high"?

No, having experienced some drugs, it isn't like any of them I have tried.  If I had to go "Cold Turkey" on punting then I could do it, I am sure but I would not get the shakes, or feel ill, but I would miss it and would have to rely upon some incredible memories.  As it is, I punt twice a week and that keeps me happy and functioning.
Incidentally, everyone reckons that I am a much nicer person than I was before I started punting.



Do any of your "real time" friends and family know that you punt?

My wife and children all know I punt (My wife asked me two years ago what I was doing about sex and I had promised her the truth so I told her).  I told my sons after I had told my wife.
Some of my friends know I punt, especially the one who introduced me to it, but he now comes to me for advice on where etc to punt. 

What advice would you give to any newbie punters looking for their first experience?

Apart from "research research research", my suggestion would be to start at a Chinese massage parlour somewhere like Chinatown in Soho and see if you like that, then progress from there.  It is much the simplest route and you can pull out (as it were) at any time.

What was your best punt?

It has to be a new girl from Birmingham called Caprice at a parlour in Purley where I was her first punter and she was really ignorant of the whole scene.  We had an amazing time and I extended for two hours and she thanked me when I left.  I lost track of her shortly after that but have very fond memories of a gorgeous young lady.

What was your worst punt?

A lady called Natasha from reading.  Least said on that one as I have done an FR.  Suffice to say, never again!!  However recently I stopped mid punt with a Thai "lady" because I suspected she could be a Post Op ladyboy and no matter how much you try you can't carry on once you have thought that!

How much do you think you've spent on punting to date?

I tried working this out once and it scared me.  However if you do not count travel costs or hotels and just count the time with the lady(ies) then it must be around £300k, give or take.  So nowhere near as much as Macca.

Do you please easily?

Of course I do!!  LOL
How can anyone answer that?  I have been with some most amazing ladies over the years some now left, some married and left, some still here.  In the majority of cases I have had a good time and I have punted from 18 to 50 and from 6 to 22 in size and of all nationalities, so maybe I am easily pleased or maybe I look for the good bits and appreciate those? You would have to ask a WG or more that I have seen I suppose.

What services do you take up on your punting?

I am pretty vanilla really, I like all the normal penetrative acts including Oral and prefer that (Oral) uncovered and pref without any biting or tooth action!!  I like GFE and PSE on occasion, all sorts of positions etc sometimes like toys, swings etc have enjoyed pony play and toy shows.  I do not like anything larger than a delicate ladies digit up my anus and even that needs lube but am happy to enjoy anal when I feel like it.
I love Reverse Oral and if that is not available then it's normally a show stopper for me.  Love being massaged and that stuff is fun too!

When visiting a parlour do you ever worry that you'll be caught in a raid with your "pants down"?

No, I really don't give a shit because I know the law and I am not breaking any laws when I punt so what is to worry about?  If they allow the press in with the raid then I will get extremely feckn arsey with the local Bill until that stops.  What I do with my cock in a brothel is my personal business so Back Off Old Bill!

Do you prefer punting at home or abroad?.. reasons?

Both.  Home is simpler and more frequent but punting abroad, especially in Muslim Countries is an experience not to be denied or missed.  I have had some wonderful punts abroad and South Asian ladies have special charms, as do Asians and Africans.  Not at all keen on American WGs but maybe I have only tried the wrong ones so am open minded enough to be proved wrong there.  Nordic WGs are good too! Oh and Europeans. Oh and Russians. Not to forget.........



What type of WG do you prefer.. characteristics.. physical & personality


Physically I love decent mouthfuls of breast but once that is there larger can be great too and decent sized responsive nipples hard wired into their pussies.  I love areolae and have found after intense study that the little bumps on them are actually Braille for "suck here!".  I like pussies with flaps and something to play with when performing RO.  Apart from that size, colour etc. mean nothing bar excitement to me.
Personality wise the ladies must be friendly and like to smile a lot.  I love intelligent WGs.

What's the youngest girl you've ever punted? and oldest? (age)

Youngest 18 and oldest 50 (She said!).

What physical attributes do you like the most in each race of WG you've seen?

Breathing and a pulse.
Too many different races and too many different ladies to be able to answer that.  Apart from the above I have greatly enjoyed fucking my way around the globe and every race has attractions.

Are there some races you haven't tried but want to before you quit or kick the bucket?

I cannot recall having shagged a Maori woman yet but am happy to be proved wrong and maybe a Suomi woman from Finland....


Do you think it's possible for all women to squirt? or do you think it's only achievable with a few women?

My experience to date is that not every woman can squirt but those that do are also the ones who can be induced to have multiple orgasms by manipulation under arousal of the graffenberg spot. However, to get a lady into that state is something that takes skill and time and needs the lady in question to be relaxed and trusting.  I have known women to have not allowed themselves to relax enough to get from single (Normally clitoral) orgasm to the more powerful multiple (G Spot) orgsam.  However once there then a continued multiple orgasm is a dead cert whether fingering, laving or shagging.  Once a lady has achieved a multiple orgasm then if she will squirt, thats the time it will happen. YMMV



How did you learn and improve your oral skills? through just merely trying out new things or guidance?
Ever since I was 14 I had read tales of going down on a woman and as I experimented as a lad with girls my age I was always attracted to that as a "naughty act" and so tended to try it on all girls.  Fortunately I met a 40 year old lady when I was 17 and she appreciated this talent and helped me develop it. Once I started punting it was something I enjoyed so did more of and also read up on it, learned about "alphabets", The G Spot etc and also asked WGs what worked and what didn't.  I even met a WG who hated it and tried converting her and failed!! *blush*.  But all I can say is that practice makes perfect and the best musicians practice every day so I will do it and practice whenever and where-ever possible.



Would you say sex is better now as a punter or when you were younger and out on the "pull"?

Yes but it also means that I can pull civilians as well as I do not have any inhibitions about suggesting the ladies might like a shag.  I wish I had started punting a lot earlier.



What age would you say you got that "eureka" moment with women and realised how to please them?

First was at 18 when a girl came round on the day she got engaged and asked for a shag from me..  However my oral skills had pulled her and my shagging was pitiful so she married her fiancée.
It was probably 35 ish before I realised I could shag reasonably well.

Are you of the school of thought that when you please a woman first she'll reward you "ten fold"?

Yes, definitely. And more so.

If yes to the above... how long did it take you to realise this? what age?


I think around 27 but it certainly did not work on my wife and she used to get really annoyed at me letting her cum first and often just wanted me to jump on, cum then fuck off and let her sleep.

Do you think this is where young guys fall short?

Yes, but then again so did I.  When the young lady who just got engaged came round to shag me, I behaved like a pig and it was all about my pleasure.  I was an arsehole and it took me 10 years to apologise to her in person.  Luckily she forgave me with a shag when her husband was out!

How long are your punts? (booking time)

Normally first punt 1 hour and subsequent ones if we click 1-2 hours

Do you ever see the same woman more than once? if so.. is there a limit to the amount of times you'll see a WG?

Yes, I have seen some many many times and no there is no limit but one lady stopped seeing me after 10 visits as that was her limit per punter and I have fallen in love with a few so I am not a good yardstick on this one.

Have you ever confused your feelings of a great time, lust, great sex & fun for more than what it is?

Yes and No.  This is because to date I have had three WGs who I developed feelings for at the same time as they did for me and this ran it's course.  I have one WG at the moment who refuses to take money from me as she sees me as a type of boyfriend and when we go out for meals she insists on it being a cheap meal so she ain't a gold-digger at all.  She just likes meeting and being treated like a lady and sometimes we just play around and bathe each other and don't even have sex during an overnight, sort of sexual healing.  When we do have sex its amazing and not false on any level.  So far I have never fallen for a girl who sees me just as a punter and I have met a couple who thought I was mug enough to buy them loads of gifts etc because they claimed they were in love with me - Nah!!

Have you ever been hounded by a WG?

Only as a result of being a Mod on the Boards or because of Board interactions, not ever because of a punt.
I have been targetted by a WG because I refused to punt her or her mate and that started getting silly but if I am pushed then I get to a point where I push back and when I do that I tend to not take prisoners.  Let's just say that they and their acolytes will not pull that stunt again on me.

Do you take viagra before your punts?

Not normally no. However I have tried Viagra, Kamagra, etc etc and  have found that they all work very well if you need a little extra lead in your pencil but they also make you feel physically hot and sometimes make it more difficult to cum.
I prefer not to use them but if I do then I would normally tell the lady and explain why I needed them on that occasion so she did not think it was a comment of some sort on her attractiveness.

Have you ever felt "seedy" in any of your punts?


Good question, and was inclined to say "No", but once in South Asia I was offered a girl and immediately knew she was underage.  I not only left immediately but I bollocked the bloke who took me to the place and then told the authorities.  They advised me that as girls could marry there  at 14 and the girl was older than that, they would do nothing.  I have not punted there since and I felt dirty.
Now I insist up front that any girl I punt has to be north of 20, it keeps me sane.


I trust my candid answers have added light rather than heat and will amplify any answers if they are not clear.


Ghenghis 2011

Hope I die before I get old!!

When Roger Daltrey bawled out his lyrics to "My Generation" it was in a post Cuban Missile Crisis world and one where the old folk definitely did not understand the younger generation.  Roger is now a multi-millionaire pensioner, did not die before he got old and lives in the lap of luxury, unfortunately most old people have been fucked over royally by the State and this needs addressing and redressing.

Take old people born in the 1920's, between World Wars One and Two, now in their eighties: Most of the men born then will have either fought in the War or provided effort for the WW2 fight, some of them will have been wounded, some captured but all of them "doing their bit" for the UK. They then came back to the "Land fit for heroes" and went through times of austerity during the 50's as the UK tried to recover from a crippling war with massive war debts courtesy of the Americans which only got paid off in the new Millennium.
These men and women raised families, paid their taxes and National Insurance all the time believing that the new National Health Service and Old Age Pension would cater for them when they got sick or old.
These people were frugal and had a saving ethic in the main, during the War they had bought National Bonds and they put their money into National Savings and also into Banks and Building Societies as a safe way of saving for their children so that they could have better lives.  These people actually believed that Governments do not lie and that being prudent and careful was the best way to be to provide for both their futures and their children's futures.

However political winds of change were blowing and all of the Nationalised Industries were being eyed up by fat cats who wanted more cream and so one of their puppets, let's call her MT to keep her anonymous, got elected as Prime Minister and immediately sold off the Gas, Electricity, Water and Telecommunications to the City of London (Mainly foreigners in sharp suits who for some reason are allowed to leach off the UK citizens). At the same time she started trying to dismantle the Welfare State and partially succeeded however in the process managed to carefully conceal all evidence that people had actually contributed for decades to the Welfare State - she also put the propaganda out successfully that using the Welfare State was the province of scoundrels, slackers and ne'er-do-wells and it was NOT for decent people, "Decent people" had Private Medicine and Private Pensions and owned stocks and shares, and were called "Sid".

The next changes were were for all the very best of reasons (The chief amongst them being that if you can privatise Medicine you make an absolute killing) targets and over management were brought in to a very badly managed NHS.  Instead of replacing bad management with good management, three more layers of bad management were added to make the NHS even more top heavy and even worse managed than it was in the 60's.

Added to this mix was a tacit agreement that inter-departmental warfare was not only allowable or acceptable but also to be actively encouraged.

This meant "Silo-Based" Government departments that caused tragedies like "Baby P" to happen undetected and unchecked even though in total the authorities had all the information necessary to save him.

It also brings us back to the point of this Blog today.

So, our Fred, the octagenarian who has fought and bled for his and our country, who has paid his taxes religiously, who has soldiered on for decades without state handouts and even avoiding doctors and hospitals because of his "stiff upper lip" and who have saved as much as he could from his meagre income in order to "leave something for the kids", has a fall, or he gets a urine infection or similar and ends up in our much vaunted NHS Hospital.

Well, I say "ends up" as sometimes even getting one of our privileged class Doctors off his arse and out to visit is a herculean task to say the least of it, however let's assume that this happened on a weekend and so the normal Doctor is on a weekend skiing in Aspen or similar and so Fred gets seen by an on call Locum who is not rich enough to have his own practice and is still keen enough to be a good caring Doctor and so an admission is arranged.

Fred's first day in hospital will be taken up mainly with giving a history. This is his medical history, all of which information is already held in detail and triplicate by the NHS and allegedly on a Computer system that links the entire country. However they still ask for it again, not in order to catch Fred out lying or indeed to find out new knowledge but in reality because although they have all this information, they haven't a clue how or where to access it.  (Maybe if some of the new Managers had been Staff Training Managers??? - Nah, too obvious). The other part of the day will be taken up by being prodded, punctured, weighed, urinanalysed and measured in what they term an "Assessment Unit".  This is a fancy name for a holding area while the hospital "Finds a bed"!!

"Finding a bed" entails a great amount of management and many many phone calls but no-one knows by and between whom (As an aside, when I was taken in to hospital with a heart attack two years ago I was kept in an assessment unit for 8 hours whilst they "tried to find me a bed" - After 6 hours I got bored, rang the hospital on my mobile phone, got put through to the Cardiac Ward and asked them if they had a bed spare for me and found they were expecting me.  I then dressed, picked up my bag and notes, left the assessment unit by tailgating a junior doctor who was going for coffee and too tired to keep an eye out for absconding patients and walked to the Ward myself. I was then undressed, checked, given a cuppa and put in to bed and then after another two hours the ward rang the assessment ward to ask if they had "lost Mr Khan?" ). NB, if you need to "find a bed", look in a fucking Hospital Ward, there are loads of empty ones there all unfilled!

However after this mysterious rite is performed Fred gets a bed (This is normally in a large ward with loads and loads of empty beds and he is tucked up cheek and jowl with a couple of loony old ladies to left and right and three dying old me opposite him in various stages of dementia.
At that point, the first thing the Ward Staff do is SET A RELEASE DATE FOR FRED whether he will be well or not by then.  When challenged on this, the staff's defensive response is that by setting a release date it gives everyone something to aim for.  Indeed it does, because come hell or high water and including if Fred is half dead on that date, the NHS want him out of "their" hospital and into the community.
The rest of Fred's stay in hospital will be punctuated by a great many tests to chart his progress or lack of it, some visits by Doctors and Registrars but very little care to see that Fred is actually eating the food that is delivered with clockwork regularity by very lowly paid workers with no healthcare training and who take away uneaten meals and dispose of them without too much comment.

After Fred has been in hospital for two or three days and providing no major surgery is scheduled the NHS will do their level best to bully Fred into agreeing to either going home or somewhere other than an NHS facility.  If he is in need of care that will probably involve the Social Services.  However IF the Social Services can either prove Fred does not need care or that his care needs are very high, then they can either not pick up the tab because he does not need it or they will not pick up the tab because the NHS needs to do so.

And herein lies the rub.  Two Government Department who, if Fred is ill, will fight each other tooth and nail to shove his care costs on to the other, actually have a vested interest in proving that Fred is actually totally OK and should be released home to the tender mercies of his Fat Cat GP who gets paid for looking after Fred even if he never visits Fred at all.  So Fred is right royally fucked by the system.

Now, let's say Fred develops Dementia due to his untreated infections whilst in hospital and the arguments over getting him out of the hospital.  In that case he will be transferred to a Nursing Home which will cost in the region of £700 per week and if Fred's house and or is savings are worth more that £14,000 yes fourteen thousand - less that a saloon car, the state will not pay all of that.  If they do pay all of that then he will have his State and Occupational Pensions taken and he will be allowed to keep approx £22 per week as "pocket money".  That's not all, if he has any living relatives, the local authorities are instructed to morally blackmail those relatives into "topping up" his care home fees instead of the State on threat of Fred being take out of his "nice" Home and put into a "nasty" Home. (And let's face it, the "nice" ones are pretty bloody horrible unless upmarket private ones).  Maybe instead of bleating on in his upper-class Toff, call me Dave, half-baked way about some form of nebulous "Big Society" that even with his Landed Gentry, Eton and Oxford background and education he cannot articulate so even his peers, let alone lesser folk can understand it, he should hark back to his penultimate predecessor with a similar background and instead espouse "Joined Up Government" (Departments at least) and start considering the fact that people have been paying in to the welfare state for decades with little complaint or demurral and in their time of need they need to be treated with respect, afforded dignity and indeed loved by the Government that inherits their support for all those years.

Fred and his ilk are heroes and the salt of the earth and should NOT be considered or discussed as a burden or a problem.  They have paid all of their dues.

So Fred, when you were listening to Roger Daltry singing "Hope I die before I get old!!", did you ever think that maybe when they asked you to fight a war to save this bloody ungrateful country you should have just told them "Why don't you all FFFFFFFFFade away!!"  ??

Ghenghis 2011

It's an odd life being a punter

Over the years I have had a few funny, strange, odd or even (hopefully) abnormal experiences and have regaled a few to mates and on boards but thought it worth putting down here for posterity and to raise a few wry smiles for my reader and his girlfriend.

Did the earth move for you?

Mid way through a particularly energetic session with a young lady in a brothel in South London the bed suddenly collapsed.  OK, that happens to a lot of folk so no big deal eh?  The problem was that the leg of the bed had not collapsed but instead penetrated a mouldy floorboard and having gone through that, propelled by our combined weight had then penetrated the ceiling below and brought a light fitting down in the Kebab shop underneath!!  Red faces all round and some explaining to do for the Maid as we were still starkers when the door went!

Sticky Condom Syndrome
Down in Berkshire with a lovely Indie, we had got through a couple of condoms without a result and finally filled a third.  Trouble was, in the dressing and clear up we could only locate two.  After a cuppa and a chat whilst relaxing afterwards I left, walked 300 yards to my car, drove home 45 miles and when home went to the loo etc.

A couple of hours later my wife walked in and shortly after that said to me "Any reason why there is a condom on our cloakroom carpet?".  A real OMG moment but thinking fast as well as being totally puzzled I went and looked and took it and flushed it.  I said that I must have trod on it outside the house and walked it in but neither of us could work out why a condom should be on the path outside the house.  I was amazed that it had stuck to my sole as I dressed and then endured the walk back to the car, drive home and walking in to my place.  I now check myself, including soles, before leaving t
a Lady's house.

You've been framed!

A Filipino Lady in Nottingham who is now out of the business, and I had been doing some experimental stuff and role playing etc so one day I booked in and went to the bar of the Lace Market Hotel as arranged at the appointed time where the plan was for her to be waiting in Business Woman Dress/Sexy Secretary including stockings and suspenders but no knickers.  She was then going to flash the blokes in the bar (Which she had never done before) and then apparently pick me up and we would go back to my room for sex.
I arrived and there she was with legs firmly clamped together and so I sat at the bar with a good eyeline and ordered a drink.  After 20 minutes without a flash she got up and joined me at the bar and apologised saying that she had bottled it completely!!  I laughed and said I did not mind and we decided to just have a couple of drinks and go up.  When we got into the lift she said she knew how to apologise and dropped to her knees and started giving me a blow job (Fortunately the lift was relatively slow and we were not accompanied!). After the usual fun and jollity in the bedroom we dressed and I walked her down to the reception and then out to her driver.  As we passed reception the staff there gave me knowing grins.  On the way back in they greeted me with smiles and asked "Mr Khan, we hope you are having a great evening !!"  I signified I was and went to the lift.  Puzzling a little and thinking they just knew her, I glanced up in the lift and saw the security camera........................ *blush* ..................... so I smiled up and waved!

Where's the Fire?

Another brothel in South London and the lady in question and I are totally stark bollock naked and making smiles when there is a knock on the door by the maid who informs us that the Fire Brigade Inspector was at the door and needed to inspect the room!!!!!  I asked if it could wait 45 mins but was told no and that they had to do it now.  So both of us hastily donned drressing gowns, mine was a particularly ravishing pink faux silk one and sat there while the Fireman, complete with boots and fireproof plastic overalls inspected the room and bathroom attached!!    For a few minutes I was sure it was a wind up but then looked out of the window and saw the bloody Fire Engine!  The stuff those guys see in a day's work!!

Where's Noah when you want him?

I was in a London Jury's Inn recently with a particularly scatty but lovely Thai Lady who has since gone back to Thailand due to an abusive boyfriend and we had been having a drink and making smiles for a couple of hours when the lady decided she needed a pee so went off and came back and we resumed.
What I had not realised is that she thought I was nearer to "arriving" than I was in fact and had started a bath running, and so eventually about 30 minutes later when we had both concluded my senses returned and I realised that there was a massive pool of water spreading from the closed bathroom door across the bedroom!  Leaping up I ran into the bathroom and found it totally flooded and a full bath overflowing merrily.
I pulled the plug and turned off the taps and dragged every towel onto the floor to start soaking it up. Still stark naked I was getting on with this with the slightly pissed Thai Lady laughing hysterically I heard an urgent banging on the door with a "Mr Khan, this is hotel management, can you let us in please now!!??".
With the catch on the door I answered, apologised profusely and told them we were both naked, true and that we had dozed off with a bath running (Near enough!) and could we have some more towels and we would quickly dress.  The two ladies agreed and went off to get towels and turning I noticed this young, naked, beautiful 25 year old Thai Lady looking over my shoulder so the hotel staff knew what was going on!!
We eventually dressed, apologised three hundred times more and allowed six hotel staff in to start the clean-up operation including an industrial water vacuum cleaner that sucked it all up.
Going out the whole hallway outside the room was under 1/2" of water and being cleared up and apparently the room below was flooded too!!
To give them their full due, the Jury's Inn people took it in their stride, moved me to a new dry room, moved my luggage, gave me fresh towels and did not laugh at me to my face, nor did they charge me any extra for the clean-up operation.  OK, I was a regular customer but nonetheless I would have paid up if asked if only out of embarrassment!  So top marks for Jury's Inns and one of my Top Shagging Venues!
Check out the following day was interesting and I got chatted up by the deputy Manager(ess) as well so I was extremely happy!

Just a few of the odd tails and I am sure that some people will think they are embroidered a bit but they happened exactly as shown, life can be weird sometimes.

Ghenghis 2011

Ladies or Meat?

Ghenghis' thoughts on the Objectivisation and Commoditisation of women.

Typical Gangsta Vid scene

Last night I was channel hopping in post coital exhaustion after a fantastic couple of hours with a Thai lady in a local brothel and endeavouring to recoup my energy by working my way through a Chinese take-away and found once again that a lot of the music channels were pushing out US DJs, all heavily blinged up and Gangsta with women dancing in the nude or at best lingerie or bikinis, normally with water dripping over them or oil.
These videos are pumped out at all times of the day and night, do not, it appears, have a "watershed" or indeed much censorship.

I then watched a category "15" film which warned me in advance that there would be "Violence, Strong Language and scenes of a sexual nature".

Today I was reading an article in the news showing Sally Bercow, the wife of the Speaker, wrapped in a sheet and although it was not a great shot, it at least only hinted at the nudity but was being pilloried in newspapers that regularly show women nude or semi-nude without a care and a lot of them have a standard topless Page 3 shot which I find almost incredibly Neanderthal in this day and age. How can it be that a man can be fired from a firm for looking at a topless woman on his work PC as it "denigrates women" but be allowed to bring in a paper showing that exact shot and look at it openly in the office without any censure at all?  Society, as I have oft thought, has gone completely barking and the lunatics have definitely taken over the asylum.

I suddenly realised that I was pretty disgusted with how society as a whole portrays women and am not all all surprised that the average hoodies on the sink estates have no respect whatsoever for females, let alone their Mums and herein lies the basis of the rot at the core of the UK.

Now don't get me wrong, I was not riding along on the road to Damascus and a light shone and scales covered my eyes, this was something that I had been noticing if not absorbing over many years and had steadily built up.

I also realise that this point of view coming from a whore monger* such as myself seems at beat naive and at least hypocritical but it is not in my mind, allow me to explain why, also some background.

Despite the current statistics being misleading and based upon over small sampling, it appears from my researches that the average man or woman in the world has under twenty partners in their entire lifetime.

Research is badly affected by the fact that men exaggerate (lie about) their sexual conquests and always claim more scalps than they have actually taken in order to be "a real man" and women tend to underplay their "promiscuity" in order not to be termed a slag or slut.

In my case I have made smiles with several hundred ladies so far and expect to increase that before I die due to the fact that I have never found two ladies or their assets the same and am always immensely surprised and pleased at the variety and availability of the market.  Everyone is an individual.

Therefore it seems weird that someone like me should firstly have a moral compass at all I suppose and even more strange that I think society is as it is.

However, I am not about to go and join the local Mosque, pray several times a day and insist all women should be covered in a Burqha when out in public.  Just that in my opinion, that we need to ease on the brakes here and bring the world our children and grand-children are growing up in to a halt as regards sexuality and start to reverse the trends.

This does NOT mean that grown adults should not be able to see pornography or that said pornography should be banned.  But it does mean that Porn should be difficult to obtain and that once obtained it should be treated like a shotgun and locked away from children.

It also means that newspapers should strip their pages of any and all gratuitous "nudie" pictures unless it can be proved that the publishing of the shot is entirely in the public interest and that the story would be meaningless without it.

It also means that the video nasties that are currently American and Wannabe American Gangsta DJs would be forced to submit their videos to a properly instructed censorship panel.  That same censorship panel would also be told to tighten up their controls and clean up their acts so that CORRECT classifications should be made for films.  Films that are for adult audiences because of explicit sexual scenes should be termed pornographic and labelled as such for the buyers and broadcasters.  Also violent films where for instance someone is being killed explicitly with a chainsaw for example, should be termed pornography.

Although in some cases it would be difficult (Like putting toothpaste back in a tube) it also needs to be applied retrospectively.

When I pay money to sleep with a prostitute, the lady in question has made an informed decision as to how she wants to make money in life and comes to that transaction willingly as do I. In my (paid) time with that lady I treat her with respect and affection despite getting down and doing things that my dear old Mum still thinks are "grounds for divorce" for even thinking about, let alone trying to do.  I get embarrassed seeing Page 3 pictures on the tube even though I am more than happy to examine the minute details of a new breast in person and see no hypocrisy in holding both views concurrently.

All of the Ladies who have slept with me for money have been human beings, not lumps of meat, they have families, in some cases children and brothers and sisters and whenever we sit and chat over a cup of coffee they all seem to feel the same in that they, despite being "scarlet women" and generally despised by the other women in the UK, have a strong moral compass when it comes to what their own children are exposed to.

So, how do we put the Genie back in the lamp here?  Maybe we all need to start tweeting and talking in pubs or at work about how it is time for change and time to allow the children to grow up a bit before being sexualised?  Maybe it is time to complain when a Gangsta Rapper has a video showing women as his sex slaves? Maybe it is time to start regarding ladies as equal participants in the world and not the goods and chattels of men to dispose of how we want?
Let's go and retake the moral highground.

Ghenghis 2011

*whore monger: Punter, a man who pays for the sexual services of prostitutes.

The ENGLISH Language

Today I was looking at Twitter as is my wont and someone had tweeted "My Mom's side is all from Dublin, Ireland, all my cousins live there"  and it suddenly made me see red a little.

You see it made me remember all the times that some idiot, in order not to confuse bigger idiots with a total lack of geography skills and an arrogance of language and geography had to write the country after the city.

Paris, France; London, England; Dublin, Ireland; Berlin, Germany etc.

FFS, don't they realise that the only people who DON'T know which country these cities are in are Americans? For the rest of the world, putting the country down is irrelevant UNLESS you are referring to somewhere insignificant for example Paris, Texas and then, and only then, you will make the distinction for clarity.

This arrogance is also displayed in other ways like the fact that despite the Computer and the Internet being British inventions, all software asking us if we want to use "American English" which apart from being oxymoronic is also a joke because Americans also spell most English words wrongly if they can manage it: E.g., Colour, Mum, Programme etc., or just use the right word in the wrong meaning.

When I hear two American senior ladies discussing the fact that they once "rubbed fannies with Princess Margaret", they are not talking about high class porn, it's because they do not understand that a "Fanny" is actually a Vagina and not an Arse.  I have to say "Arse" because to an American a "Bum" is not an arse or even a fanny, it is a down and out.  A cigarette is not a "fag", they use that word for homosexual so "to bum a fag" is not to cadge a cigarette, it is to go all Elton John or George Michael to an American.  A  "Fanny Pack" to British ears is interpreted that the Cubs have been over-run with girls rather than an essential aid to an American who cannot get into his pockets.

"Knocking someone up" is not as we Brits lovingly know it, a wake up call from a friend but is instead making a lady pregnant - indeed, I have often "knocked up" an American lady friend but so far never caused her to give birth.

"Buns" are rather nice dough concoctions with raisins and sugar, sometimes covered with icing sugar making them "Sticky Buns", these are acceptable to eat and not as Americans would believe, something you sit on or can be arrested for creating in public.

Sticky Buns UK Style

When a Brit gets "Pissed" this means he has gone down to the pub and over imbibed on alcohol, therefore under no circumstances should someone be driving whilst "pissed" or even trying to walk anywhere. It seems that Americans can be pissed almost any and everywhere. Oh and when we "have pissed all over you" we can do it figuratively or literally but it is not pleasant either way and certainly not physically as this means "urinated".

Going back to "Arses", that is what we SHIT out of, hence even more confusion about American Fannies, and so "my shit" is something that we tend to do in a toilet, we tend to flush it, we do not keep it together and we certainly do not want to mess with our own, let alone "mess with someone else's shit"!!.

Oh, and it is "Arse", not "Ass", an "Ass" is either a smaller version of a horse used for haulage or an idiot as in "Don't be an ass mate!".  Therefore getting your "ass" in gear is daft because horses don't have gears, but we do understand to "get our arses in gear!" even though your bum doesn't have gears either.

Confused yet?  So are we, we have to read your crap!

"Cornish Pasties" are a really nice type of meat pie made in Cornwall, England (Just in case there's another bloody Cornwall in Pennsylvania FFS!) and not something that covers the nipples of a pole dancer in Newquay!

Sticky Buns US style

"Spunk", in the UK, is what is spurted out at the point of orgasm by a penis (See sticky buns and fags) and so it is NOT acceptable for a male manager to ask a female employee if she is "full of spunk this morning?".

A penis is not a "pecker", so when we tell you to remain cheerful and say "keep your pecker up!", we do not mean you need to mainline Viagra. Also, the only "peckerheads" we have heard of it Woody and his mates. (Oh and a "Woody", unless you really mean a cartoon bird, is an erection in the UK.).

Belgium

We have chips which you call "French Fries" unless you are being particularly xenophobic and then you call them "Freedom Fries" and wonder why we all piss ourselves laughing (See Pissed).  The problem is we also have French Fries as well as chips and to a Brit, French Fries are something that McDonalds tries and fails to make as well as the "Belgians" make them (Oh for American readers, Belgium is a country in Europe adjacent to France).  Whilst on that subject, Europeans do not all speak English except with differing accents, all those funny lines on the maps that you use to differentiate American states, Europeans use to differentiate different countries.  Explain that to Dubbya sometime as he does need to know that Austria is a real place in Europe and Australia is the big island in the Pacific that also abuts the Indian or Southern Ocean.

Americans use "Randy" as a first name without embarrassment, they also have Scooby Do's mate called "Shaggy".  In the UK, if you are "Randy" that means you are horny and probably, if male, sporting a "Stiffy" or a "woody" and you want to "Shag" someone.  This is not a reference to using some poor sea bird, akin to a cormorant in some unspeakable act, it refers to "fucking" someone which I think is a term we have no disagreement upon?

Girls playing Rounders

Oh and finally, "Baseball", before your ancestors pissed off to find yourselves in the New World, we played a game on the village green, normally by children called "Rounders", this involves someone throwing a ball at the "Batter" who attempts to hit the ball with his/her clublike "Bat" and if he/she does she runs around the "Bases" of which there are 3 set out in a diamond pattern with "Home" being the final point of the diamond. IF you can run around the whole diamond before being touched with the ball by a fielder or having a "base" in front of you touched with the ball by a fielder, then you get "a run" if not, you are "out".  Indeed a lot of countries children play "rounders" or a variant. Americans apparently call this Baseball, make a lot of fuss about it and even play each other in the grandiose "World Series" which they play against themselves and Canadians!!

Two Allies divided by a common tongue?  No way!