Over the years I have had a few funny, strange, odd or even (hopefully) abnormal experiences and have regaled a few to mates and on boards but thought it worth putting down here for posterity and to raise a few wry smiles for my reader and his girlfriend.
Did the earth move for you?
Mid way through a particularly energetic session with a young lady in a brothel in South London the bed suddenly collapsed. OK, that happens to a lot of folk so no big deal eh? The problem was that the leg of the bed had not collapsed but instead penetrated a mouldy floorboard and having gone through that, propelled by our combined weight had then penetrated the ceiling below and brought a light fitting down in the Kebab shop underneath!! Red faces all round and some explaining to do for the Maid as we were still starkers when the door went!
Sticky Condom Syndrome
Down in Berkshire with a lovely Indie, we had got through a couple of condoms without a result and finally filled a third. Trouble was, in the dressing and clear up we could only locate two. After a cuppa and a chat whilst relaxing afterwards I left, walked 300 yards to my car, drove home 45 miles and when home went to the loo etc.
a Lady's house.
You've been framed!
I arrived and there she was with legs firmly clamped together and so I sat at the bar with a good eyeline and ordered a drink. After 20 minutes without a flash she got up and joined me at the bar and apologised saying that she had bottled it completely!! I laughed and said I did not mind and we decided to just have a couple of drinks and go up. When we got into the lift she said she knew how to apologise and dropped to her knees and started giving me a blow job (Fortunately the lift was relatively slow and we were not accompanied!). After the usual fun and jollity in the bedroom we dressed and I walked her down to the reception and then out to her driver. As we passed reception the staff there gave me knowing grins. On the way back in they greeted me with smiles and asked "Mr Khan, we hope you are having a great evening !!" I signified I was and went to the lift. Puzzling a little and thinking they just knew her, I glanced up in the lift and saw the security camera........................ *blush* ..................... so I smiled up and waved!
Where's the Fire?
Where's Noah when you want him?
I was in a London Jury's Inn recently with a particularly scatty but lovely Thai Lady who has since gone back to Thailand due to an abusive boyfriend and we had been having a drink and making smiles for a couple of hours when the lady decided she needed a pee so went off and came back and we resumed.
What I had not realised is that she thought I was nearer to "arriving" than I was in fact and had started a bath running, and so eventually about 30 minutes later when we had both concluded my senses returned and I realised that there was a massive pool of water spreading from the closed bathroom door across the bedroom! Leaping up I ran into the bathroom and found it totally flooded and a full bath overflowing merrily.
I pulled the plug and turned off the taps and dragged every towel onto the floor to start soaking it up. Still stark naked I was getting on with this with the slightly pissed Thai Lady laughing hysterically I heard an urgent banging on the door with a "Mr Khan, this is hotel management, can you let us in please now!!??".
With the catch on the door I answered, apologised profusely and told them we were both naked, true and that we had dozed off with a bath running (Near enough!) and could we have some more towels and we would quickly dress. The two ladies agreed and went off to get towels and turning I noticed this young, naked, beautiful 25 year old Thai Lady looking over my shoulder so the hotel staff knew what was going on!!
We eventually dressed, apologised three hundred times more and allowed six hotel staff in to start the clean-up operation including an industrial water vacuum cleaner that sucked it all up.
Going out the whole hallway outside the room was under 1/2" of water and being cleared up and apparently the room below was flooded too!!
To give them their full due, the Jury's Inn people took it in their stride, moved me to a new dry room, moved my luggage, gave me fresh towels and did not laugh at me to my face, nor did they charge me any extra for the clean-up operation. OK, I was a regular customer but nonetheless I would have paid up if asked if only out of embarrassment! So top marks for Jury's Inns and one of my Top Shagging Venues!
Check out the following day was interesting and I got chatted up by the deputy Manager(ess) as well so I was extremely happy!
Just a few of the odd tails and I am sure that some people will think they are embroidered a bit but they happened exactly as shown, life can be weird sometimes.