A. He got pissed off!
Yes its an old joke, not dissimilar to me in fact but it sets the scene to segue neatly into my long awaited return to Blogging with a diatribe on the people and things that Piss Me Off. A sort of "Grumpy Old Ghenghis" but in Blog Form rather than a TV programme (Also I don't get paid for doing it which also pisses me off!).
Years ago I got "that list", you know, the one with the little boy on it who is saying "Every Day I am Forced to Add Someone to the List of People who Piss Me Off!!". Well, I think we all really have that list, even if it is only a mental one and even if we do not keep it religiously but more in an Anglican fashion of just for high days and holidays. So here is mine:
The List of People and Things that really PISS ME OFF!!
This is not an exhaustive List and will vary from time to time dependant upon anything from ground temperature, distance to the nearest Kharzi or hunger. In no particular order:
- Bastards who drive in the centre lane of a three or four lane motorway despite being slower than anyone else and despite space to their left. I would like purple spray paint cannon to leave them in no doubt what fuckwits they are!
- Bureaucrats and Jobsworths - people who have a petit fonctionaire type job but who love to exercise the minimal control they have over that function to really make your life difficult. Their usual excuse is along the lines of "I would love to be helpful and do what is sensible but it is more than my jobs worth to be helpful. Tarring and feathering is too good for these people
- Bankers - These hypocritical fat cats who first fuck up our economy so badly that it will be a toss up as to if our descendants actually do mange to pay off the debts incurred before Global Warming makes the planet uninhabitable and then pay themselves super bonus' under the threat of buggering off somewhere else to fuck up their economies!! Confiscate all their goods and possessions, sell their wives to a brothel and their children to slavery and then hang 1 in 10 of them from a city lampost (No, you twat, not the same lamp post, one each!) and deport the other 9.
- Oil Companies - bleeding leeches to a man, every year Oil Companies post bigger and bigger profits and yet every year those same oil companies tell us how the people that pump the gas do it for love and that it is just the Government who makes money out of oil. BULLSHIT!!!! Have you seen how much money they are making? They are making that out of people like you and me. What's more, they are mainly American companies and which country whines most about Petrol Prices and pays the least (If you don't count Saudi Arabia)?? Yes, America!!
- The EU/EEC/whatever the fuck they call themselves today - The majority of our fucked up laws, as opposed to the sensible ones that made us Great, are from the EU and the latest one is the fuckwittery of Super-Injunctions that are now grantable to the rich and famous by Judges whose parentage is questionable and their grasp on reality even looser. What makes this even more farcical is the prime mover of this latest EU Farce Law is the French whose state is apparently based upon Liberte, Fraternite and Egalite - well, I suppose to the average Frog, one out of three is a result and beats their War Record
- Poppy Burners and Royal Wedding Protesters - including those CNUTS who protested at (Soon to be Royal) Wootton Bassett. These people do have a right to legitimate and peaceful protest but their actions are also behaviour liable to cause a Breach of the Peace, especially if the fuckers do this anywhere near me, and any reasonable individual would surely expect the local plod present to "Read the Riot Act" to those pulling those stunts and similar and then give them a good truncheoning and a few nights to recover at the local nick??
- Anarchists - Like those idiots in Black who decided to take over a misguided TUC march that was as vacuous and vague as Cameron's Big Society ideas and kick in shop windows etc. Also the idiots in Bristol who sallied forth from their squat against a local Tesco Express. Shave their heads, put them in leg irons and orange jump suits and have them cleaning the streets for the next 3 years
- Politicians - enough said?? - OK, maybe the last thirty years plus of these self serving bastards has not convinced you it is time for a real change, well it has me. Let's get AV in to start with just to prove we can change the political rues without incurring the Wrath of God and then have a debate on what methods we really want to elect our politicians and change again to that one. If we do NOT take this chance to make a change, however cosmetic, we will lose all opportunities for the next Century.
- Sizeists - Those people who are naturally slim thanks to the right DNA and who can eat tons of buns and pies without putting on an ounce who then slag off people who are not similarly blessed. One git who really had a habit of doing that was that long lanky streak of piss, Jasper Carrott. Well Jasper, you are a bit of a pudge bucket yourself now aren't you, care to tell us how disgusted you are with yourself?? Also, those ladies with lovely boobs with no sag who laugh at skinny women with no tits and call them "Boylike" and other daft names. Just be happy as you are and if not do you best to change but not to damage yourself.
- Selfish Gits - People who go their whole way through life taking and using, who drop litter, use people, and never think of once doing a little charity work, looking after an old neighbour, donating blood, helping with reading at a local school, supporting Help for Heroes or any one of a number of things that make our world turn. These are the Easyjet generation, the ones with sharp elbows who run to the plane, the ones that always buy thousands of bog-rolls or bread if there is a shortage looming and the ones who move house so their kid can get in to a better school.
OK, so there are only ten so far on my list but I am sure that you have a different ten and feel free to add those via comments below.