New year Resolutions? Bollocks!

At this time of year you get loads of people waffling on about New Years Resolutions and how they are going to give up, smoking, drinking, drugs, all of the above, men, women etc  They talk about a new diet and all of them talk about the biggest load of boring bollocks I have ever heard.

My All Time Resolution is to have NO New years Resolutions, I like me as I am but will listen to what my Doctor says so I don't have the next, maybe fatal, Heart Attack, I shall eat sufficiently to enjoy life and spend more time in places owned by Richard Phillips who has to be the UK's next Best Chef, certainly his food is to a very high standard indeed.  I shall drink sufficiently to keep healthy and with a driving licence but not enough to become obnoxious.   I shall smile more as my face whilst "resting" is apparently a scowl and when concentrating (For instance when driving) it is the same which makes neighbours wonder why I hate them and small children run for their mother's skirts.  This last is actually an asset as I can then closely examine their Mothers' legs whilst apparently succouring the child!!  I shall also exercise sufficiently so as to allow me to get more vigorous whilst shagging and to occasionally take my new pushbike out for a spin on the flat to the nearest pub and back as "drunk in charge of a bike" is hard to prove at my age.

I shall shag neither vastly more or noticeably less than in 2010 because the current level of 2-3 Ladies a week keeps my juices strong and projectile whilst not annihilating my bank account, also it keeps me a nicer chap. I can always date the first time I paid a Lady to makes smiles with me because it is the same week that everyone in friends and family were sure I had found Jesus or similar in that I was nicer to know and less angry with everyone.  Of course I was, I was getting laid well, regularly and by sevral different women a week, what bloke would NOT be happier?? (OK, not counting the Pope I suppose if you want to be picky!).

I shall travel about the same as in previous years but more so than last year which was an anomaly. Places to visit that I have not been to yet include Viet-Nam and Laos and I would like to go back to well known places such as Morocco, Algeria and Pakistan and of course Africa.  Some of the places I can give a miss to this year include the USA, Egypt and the Niger Delta.  Must also visit my new relatives in Thailand soon.

I won't change my car as I like it too much, it is very old and very fast and not really green in any way but it beats the shit out of most modern cars with features like a touch sensitive colour TV screen for showing DVDs but also for controlling things like the sounds system, heating etc that most manufacturers dream about putting into production line cars.

In short, I shall just carry on, Insh Allah, (Or Deo Volente if that is your bag) just being me and having fun.  No resolutions, no real changes, just more of the same please until I pop my clogs.

Finally, a "pome" what I found which about sums it up for me.  I have changed it a bit but you get the drift.

Life

 ' Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Straight Malt in one hand - Hot woman in the other - body thoroughly used up - totally worn out and screaming "whoo hoo what a ride'! 

In short, I am contented with me, I like me and I have no intention of changing me, so if you do not like what you see, realise it is what you get and act accordingly.

Happy New Year

Ghenghis - December 2010

Cold cuts and Bubble!

The best meal over the Christmas break, apart from the Christmas Day Turkey and all the trimmings, has to be the one soon after Boxing Day where you taste the first cold meat platter with cold turkey, beef, honey roasted ham, Pork etc all carved off the bone.
This is one that I tend to do for the family and my first job is to take all of the excess veggies produced over the two days for the hot meals like sprouts, mashed pots, roasties, swede, turnips, parsnips carrots and even broccoli (Or devil's food as I term it!) and bung em all in the large mixing bowl and give them a rough mash. Once that's done I get the old "billy-club" out and hand mix the lot to a sort of doughy consistency.
Make balls of the resultant goo about the same size as small snow balls that when patted to 1.5" thick will be about 4" diameter and then cover with flour and fry on a medium heat, turning when brown on bottom.

Take them out of the pan on a fish slice and put them on a foiled oven dish in a Mk5 oven until you need them.  They gently cook there and just get better so at least 15 minutes and up to 45 will do it.
Then prepare a plate of the cold cuts each and liberally add gherkins, onions, Branston, the rest of the redcurrant jelly from Christmas Day and any other pickles you fancy.  If you have any of Richard Phillips ( @RPhillipsChef ) home made picallili then you are a lucky lucky bastard, and that will make it poifek!!

Bung an ice cold beer on the tray too.
Then slap a couple to four slabs of bubble on the plate on top of the meat and take the tray in to your favourite film on telly!

Marvellous!

Ghenghis 2010

Getting into the spirit of Christmas

Ah well, just over 10 days now and we will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

We will have had the obligatory panics about what to get Aunty Nelly and where the address book was, why the Christmas Letter (Edited to show how bloody clever our family is and how much better holidays we have than the plebs we are sending it to) will not fit the bijoux cards from the specially selected charity to show we care, the Christmas stamps will have been bought and the cards will have gone into the post box by 6pm Christmas Eve.
The panic buying at Asda will have provided us with enough food to solve the food shortages in Africa for three years, feed all the homeless in London for the next generation and still have enough left over from Christmas and Boxing day to bin when it grows mould.  We will also have enough booze left in the house to keep Newcastle paralytic for three days!

The presents will be opened and the sweater from Auntie Mavis mentally consigned to the homeless, the inevitable three or four Boots Special Packs of Aftershave fit to dip sheep, a razor that has replacement blades made (Judging by their price) by NASA for hirsute spacemen attempting a voyage to Mars, and a body spray that can down a hornet at 50 metres and doubles in tropical climes as DDT, travel bag with a zip that will fail the first time it is used in anger, all in a will be stacked in a neat pile by each "man" in the house along with the joke socks and the magnetic compass car attachment given as a poundshop version of a SatNav by Granny who cannot be fucked to understand anything and is sure that everything costs the same as when that nice Mr Churchill was Prime Minister.
Mother will have slaved over a hot stove for about 5 hours slyly knocking back the Smirnoff Ice (Because she knows she is a trendy young thing despite the cellulite) and the odd glass of sherry, just to be sociable, as each of the guests has arrived.  Her guests will have settled down to some solid drinking as they demolish the snacks and salted nuts left out as "nibbles" along with anything else on the coffee tables and any other surface that little Alfie could find when asked to set them out (In four months time the ones on the mantelpiece will be discovered, along with a cure for Cancer in the mould, behind one of the Christmas letters).
Dad will have specially selected the wines from the finest in the BOGOF section of ASDA's wine section and is convinced that Scotsmac and Thunderbird are seriously under-rated by the wine buying cognoscenti - he will be into his seventh drink, "just to show willing!" and will be encouraging the children to "help your Mother" or to "offer everone another drink", from the security of his armchair as he wonders what is making the room spin and also why everyone looks at him strangely when he says something.

Christmas Dinner will have arrived on the table around five minutes before The Queen's Speech and the row with the Grandparents who complain every year at this very time that they "have never missed the Queen's speech!", will have happened while everyone is tucking in to the salmon mousse covered in smoked salmon that hotels can make divinely but when served at home tastes like you are eating someone's dressings at a particularly insanitary field hospital near Mogadishu.
Father will have shredded the Turkey in an attempt at carving in which he is an expert who clearly only needs to practice once a year, and everyone's plates will have been heaped in a burial mound shape which prevents landslips from occurring and then cleared with industrial efficiency by all assembled whilst the Thunderbird has been pronounced "a cheeky little vintage that creeps up on you with a sandbag after the fourth glass".

Finally the meal finished, a washing up pile that would make Sherpa Ten Sing blanch resting malevolently in the kitchen, several snoring corpses on the sofas and armchairs and  the telly showing yet another fecking  repeat of "The Great Escape", the house quietens, the Christmas lights flash sickeningly on the plastic tree and no-one will have noticed the hot plastic and Bakelite smell coming from the overloaded 3 way adaptors behind that tree.
Snogs will have been snogged under the artificial mistletoe, Uncle Ian will have told Aunt Betty "what a fucking whore" she was for shagging his best mate and then, correctly, expecting him to take her back when his best mate stayed with his wife, all the reindeer will be asleep in their North Pole stables with indegestion from a surfeit of carrots and millions of the lowest paid of our society will have set their Alarms for "Feckn Hell is it really Morning?" oclock so they can be behind their counters for the hordes going to the Boxing Day Sales.

We will all be broke, bad tempered, hung over, shagged out and vowing never again but will lose our resolve around the 15th November 2011 and do it all over again!!!!

Peace on Earth and Mercy mild!!

Ghenghis December 2010

The Christmas Party

I love Christmas Parties and Office ones are the best.  Office Christmas lunches are good too and Dinners great!

Things I love about them:

• I go balls out at them and don't give a flying fuck who photographs what or says what afterwards.
• Everyone loosens up and you get a lot of laughs
• I never know how but I get home eventually intact
• Some of my best (Civilian) shags have been at or after them
• You can dance to ridiculous songs and no-one cares
• The food
• The Booze
• The music
• The fact that a lot of women pretend they are more drunk than they are so they can get their ends away with the bad boys and blame it on the booze afterwards
• Those amazing clothes the women almost wear at them
• The Law of Parties that say all women must wear stockings and suspenders
• The Law of Parties that says being groped by Ghenghis is part of the party atmosphere and a lady should feel insulted if he does not do this.

Things I hate about (Some of) them :

• The slimey gits that will not loosen up and laugh but instead take notes
• The bastards who count all the drinks and say "I put £5 into the kitty and only had a lemonade and lime and you had a double scotch!"
• The cunts who order all the extras and the top of the range stuff but only bung in the minimum
• Complicated bra-straps when I am so pissed I need both hands
• People that moan when they come in and find you shagging on their coats
• People that moan when they find you shagging their Wife/Girlfriend/Sister/Mother/Auntie or combinations of same on their coats
• The Boss if he is sober
• The Boss if I am drunk!

     

Ghenghis 2010

First published at http://www.np-forum.com

Universally Challenged!

Pensioners Attacked in Car and threatened with Decapitation

I hope these trendy feckn lefty so called "Professors" of educational establishments (You can't call most of them Universities because a lot are jumped up Poly's in drag, Art Colleges and Teacher Training colleges) are very proud of themselves as they sit in their nice warm staff common rooms in their nicely feathered and protected jobs with great pensions waiting for retirement when they view the anarchy and social disorder that they have encouraged from the sidelines.

Their protégés are a disgrace to the country and whatever educational establishment they apparently hail from.

The attacks and mob violence involved causing millions of poundsworth of damage to public buildings, money for repairs SHOULD be taken form the University (ies) that anyone apprehended and convicted as a result that the perpetrators attended.  The statue of Winston Churchill that symbolises the fight FOR Democracy and Freedom and AGAINST Totalitarianism was defaced again, do these numpties understand the word, let alone the concept of "Irony"?? Bomb Proof windows were smashed in in the orgy of destruction, police were injured and the windows of the Supreme Court, the final bastion of Justice in the UK, were kicked in.

To round off their achievements the rentamob anarchists then, fortuitously for them, cornered Prince Charles and his wife Camilla in the Royal Roller on a night out with Robbie Williams.  These brave shining examples of modern youth surrounded the pensioners' vehicle baying and screaming "Off with their heads" and similar mindless calls.  They then attacked the armoured vehicle and sprayed it with paint, rocking it and damaging the bullet proof glass before the Royal couple, shaken but undeterred were driven out of that situation.

Personally I cannot stand Prince Charles, and think he proved his lack of grasp on reality by throwing over Diana after doing his Royal duties and getting her pregnant to resume his ongoing affair with Camilla who even in her best days was called "Horsey" for a number of reasons, BUT he is the heir to the throne and seems hell bent on not standing down in favour of William and so will be our King and give us his Horsey Paramour as Queen some day; Do we really feel that the future Heir to the throne should have to take this treatment from these bastards??   I do not and I hope the Police find them and the courts deal with them harshly.

Everyone in the UK has the right to protest lawfully and peacefully and that is a cherished right worth fighting to preserve but this sickening display just wounds our nation and adds to the costs on an already reeling economy that has forced the cuts and fee rises.

Clearly these Trotskyite mourners for the USSR have forgotten the lessons of the French Revolution which was started by middle class intellectuals who unleashed the terror of the mob and who were the first to be consumed by the mob after they had decapitated the aristocrats. Ditto the Russian version. The attack on Charles and Camilla last night should have been a tocsin bell to the ivory tower Trots and to signal the revolution in which they will be among the first to be consumed by a rage that once unleashed will bring us to being a Lowest Common Denominator Nation.

WickiMindFucks

I was also pretty appalled but not surprised to see the usual suspects lining up to save the great Martyr of the Information Age, Julian Assange from extradition to Sweden on rape charges!

I can understand brainless bimbos who were remittance children and then became famous by marrying someone famous being first in line but it is clear where the real thrust is when you get Pilger and Co, the sort of intellectual lefty rentamob conspiracy nuts, falling over themselves to put up a potential rapist's bail money.

IF he is innocent, then let him face the prosecution and put his case, I am sure you lefties who believe in equality have enough £millions stashed to buy him the best justice to be had in Sweden.

However, this is not about rape, it is about rape being an excuse.

In the case of the current anarchists' agendas, it is an excuse to make a hero out of what is really a pretty tawdry character.

Also, with WickiLeaks, you have to ask yourselves who is it exactly that gains from all the latest leaks?

We can see who loses because it is the Nations that are having their relationships damaged, their secrets revealed and their personnel put at risk of death or other harm.  But the totalitarian States will not in any way be harmed because they already control their communications media and so their populations will never learn these "truths".

So, once again its an example of the continuing struggle between the forces of Anarchy hidden within Democracies where a Nobel Prize Winner is bullied by China and countries are bullied into boycotting the prize ceremony to the deafening silence of the left wing Pilgers and Loaches but where putting the lives of servants of our countries is deemed an acceptable cost of "Freedom"! 

Armchair socialists and Trots should respect and cherish the fact that they do NOT live in Totalitarian States where they would be the first up against the wall by those Governments but instead live in countries that respect Freedom of Speech so much that they allow those who would harm us to remain untouched.  However they are on a slippery slope and a swift glance at history should tell them what is in the abyss.

Ghenghis 2010

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

Today was a pretty amazing day for me.  Amazing? Why? Well, because I went and saw a lady that I had first thought of visiting four years ago and had always bottled it as I had the idea that she was "out of my league" and so I would either be disappointed that she was not as good as I expected or to be proved right and found wanting.

Now I know the knuckle draggers are already reading this and starting the first chorus of "Fluffy Bastard!" (Words are repeated four times to the tune of "Oh my Darling Clementine") [Yes, I know, but no-one ever accused the knuckle draggers of being able to sing or carry a tune!] however bear with me.

The lady in question has a web-site and has a lot of information and pictures showing her figure etc , stating her age and also her likes etc and dislikes so anyone reading it can see all they need to know except one thing, her face is obscured for her security reasons.

Well, a few weeks ago I decided that with all the lovely ladies leaving the industry, if I did not just screw up my courage and call her, I would never know, so I did and arranged a liaison at her luxury apartment.

After a three hour drive in icy conditions I arrived thanks to very good directions and on time too, went to her door and was admitted.  My jaw dropped, she was simply one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, curvy in all the right places, tactile, dressed immaculately and very very friendly indeed.  I had pre-booked a two hour liaison and immediately thought "idiot, it should have been at least three!".

Paperwork out of the way we settled down over a green tea and chatted and within seconds it was like we had been friends for ages. Her laughter was infectious and she was knowledgeable and intelligent.

Things progressed in the time honoured fashion except I kept pinching myself to be sure I was not dreaming, her bust was perfection and normally would have totally absorbed my attention but her eyes were like dark limpid pools that you could dive in to and drown regrette rien.

I still cannot be sure if I preferred her déshabillé' or clothed as for once I had found a woman that looked just as sexy clothed as naked but for sure her company and assurance and hospitality was the same in any state.

Being with her was a total joy and if she was not almost half my age then I would have definitely been after her like a shot as a girlfriend.

You just have to stop for a moment and thank God for this hobby, how else can wrinkly old farts like me get to make love to fantasies in flesh like this for the ridiculous gift of a few pictures of the Queen?

I left, sated, very happy, with great memories and with plans to see her again reasonably soon, her name?  Well, sorry, she does not want me to reveal that here and as a gentleman I always keep my word.

Angels must be weeping today, I have gazed on the face of perfection.

Ghenghis 2010

First time nerves

A lot of people post about first time nerves on websites and in emails to me and so I thought it was worth covering.

First thing to say is - You are NOT unusual if you have "first time nerves" if you are meeting a Working Girl for the very first punt of your life, or the very first punt with her of your life as a totally experienced punter.

I get them a lot.

If I am meeting a new Indie for the first time, especially one with a great reputation according to my research then I know that everything is stacked in my favour for a great punt, yet still I get nervous; So nervous in fact that some ladies have commented afterwards that they wondered if I would make it through the punt without collapsing!!  LOL.

This set of nerves manifests itself in checking and rechecking details, if travelling to the punt being extremely twitchy about run of the mill and factored in delays or problems, if in a hotel, shaving and reshaving, putting on too much aftershave and adjusting the heating several times a minute.

This in a Punter that is unimaginably old and who only remembers all the lovely ladies he has met in his life on a commercial basis due to the fact that he sees a lot of them so regularly and because of the notes etc kept for FRs or the meeting itself.

I think my nerves, especially now, are an outward show of my hoping that I do not cock up (pun intended) the liaison in any majorly embarrassing way. Also, when I am meeting a person with a great reputation, it is a chance to have a simply amazing punt and so I do not want to let the side down but want to rise to the occasion as it were.

So if you are a newby to this hobby do not worry about the nerves, they are normal.

Get yourself a pre-Punt checklist, and a la Santa, check it twice, when that is done, calm down with ONE relaxing drink to steady the nerves and let the fun begin.

Ghenghis 2010

Ex Communication

It never ceases to amaze me how much communications we do and how the world has learned to communicate using such amazing technology over such a short space of time.

When my Grandad was a boy The telegraph was the in thing, telegrams and radio were just coming in and then the telephone.  Apart from that it was good old "snail mail", ie, writing a letter.

My Dad saw advances in all of these and the advent of telex, but in my life we have had a plethora of new communication methods, some variations or improvements and some disruptive technology completely.

With PSS and Harpernet turning into the internet, with the Porn industry funding first Colour, then pictures then sound then music over the internet and with advances in mobiles, SMS, smartphones, PCs netbooks etc we are now able to communicate in so many different and varied ways that it is now getting to the point where sometimes you have to say the same thing many times using varied media in order to ensure that the intended recipient actually gets and reads your message.

Also, despite all this technology there are still major problems in communication caused by one person saying or doing something that is interpreted differently by the recipient or onlookers.

I am oft reminded of the poster in the office that says "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant!"

I don't know how we combat that, maybe a new still to be discovered technology such as a brain scanner might assist but I cannot but fear that such a device would most probably cause even more trouble than it solves.

Ah well, time to press PUBLISH POST and see how this one is misinterpreted!

Ghenghis 2010

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.”